After what seem liked an eternity, the professor could start to feel the blood returning to his legs.
Several students had walked past him as lay flat out in the campus car park and ignored him, assuming that he was paralytically drunk.
Lots of lecturers spent time falling out of their cars and going face down, at UCLA. It was nothing unusual.
He was very grateful for the chronic alcoholism that was sweeping through the faculty .. who'd notice one more horizontal professor in a car park that was full of them on most afternoons?
He stood up shakily, and headed for The Deans office, thinking that he'd better have a nice chat to him, before the police arrived.
He was in the clear now, after Abigail had inadvertently told him way more information about the Dean than The Dean would have liked him to know.
He went into the corridors leading up to The Deans office, half expecting to hear the sound of handcuff cuffs jangling, and being pushed up against the wall, arrested.
But it never happened.
'Perhaps Jimmy was so stoned,' Thought the professor, 'that by the time he'd gotten to the campus to report him, he'd totally forgotten about the whole incident.
It was more than possible.
The gymnasium had burned down a few years ago because of precisely that.
A student had come across a fire in the gym and was so stoned off his box at the time, that he'd walked thirty meters to get the fire extinguisher, and then tripped off to god knows where.
By the time he came to his senses, four hours later, he was holding a full fire extinguisher, and the gymnasium was just a pile of ash.
'Or maybe Jimmy had gotten lost between the professors car, and the faculty offices' Pondered the prof, 'Anything was possible in this madhouse that they called a learning facility'.
The teachers laughed about the title, almost daily.
....He approached the Dean's office, to the sound of loud screams from within.
Then silence.
'Had Abigail been too enthusiastic for a toke on a spliff, or what?' Thought the professor.
....Tapping lightly on the door, he poked his head around around the corner, into the Deans office, hoping to see Abigail's head in someone else's lap, for a change.
There was blood everywhere.
'Not everywhere', thought the professor reevaluating the scene, 'More just on The Deans desk', but there was a lot of it.
And teeth.
Lots of teeth, shattered, lying in pieces.
'What the fuck?' thought he professor, hearing movement from the other side of the desk.
"Give me more Oreo's!" Came the Dean voice, sounding very mumbled, "I need more Oreo's"
The professor was aware how bad for your teeth Oreos were, but he was pretty sure that the effects of eating some chocolate biscuits were not immediate, not to make you mouth erupt in a fountain of blood and a spontaneous emptying of teeth.
"Sir?" Said the professor, "Sir?, are you OK?"
"I need more fucking Oreos, you twat,' shouted the Dean angrily.
He had no teeth, but the professor understood him.
The professor peaked around the desk, to see The Dean huddled on the floor, blood everywhere.
Six inch nails, red with blood, lay scattered across the floor.
Either The Dean had just been biting on some six in nails, or he was vomiting back a very strange meal..
It was then He then noticed the small container on the desk.
Reading the label, it was quite apparent that The Dean had been ingesting some ketamine supplies from the veterinary college.
And quite a lot of it, judging by the empty bottle.
"Just give me some more goddamn Oreos will ya?" Begged the dean, "I'm starving. And don't give any to the nuns."
The professor picked up a nail, and handed it to him.
(He wouldn't have offered any to the nuns, had there been any in the office).
"Thanks" Said The dean, " I'm famished." Taking the 6 inch rod of steel, and shoving into his mouth...
The professor suddenly saw a big promotion ahead of him.
'The day was brighter than the red stuff currently dripping out of The Deans mouth,' He thought happily.
There was a knock on the door.
Jimmy poked his head around, looking at all the blood and teeth on the desk.
"Oh Jesus" He screamed, looking at he professor, "You fucking gone and done The Dean in, as well!"
His head disappeared, and the professor could hear him shouting for everyone and anyone to help him, and to call the police, there's been a double murder.
'God' thought the professor, glumly 'Just when you thought things were looking up, they fuck up, again'