The director of operations sighed tiredly, and looked across his desk at the three agents.
He sighed once more.
He was man of action, not a computer nerd, and he found talking to these three agents very wearisome.
He didn't see them as 'agents' at all, truth be told.
They were computer geeks in his eyes, nothing more.
He found that they just didn't speak in a language that he could grasp very easily, either..
...He'd really tried over this last four years to communicate with them, the only real help coming from reading postmodernist theory....It was total garbage, of course - but at least now he understood the garbage that these three particular agents were waffling on about..
'It was better than nothing' He thought to himself.
He'd never signed up for this...
...Sure, he’d been out of active operations for years now, but he still enjoyed his new role , one of coordinating operations with agents in the field... but this?
This was something he had serious trouble with.
“Ok”, He said wearily, “Tell me again, one more time, why you need a field operation carried out ?”
Agent Aznocock spoke up first. “Well sir, the thing is , we have no other option... That wanker is disrupting all our plans.”
“And how’s he doing that, again?", The Director said, looking over at agent Blockage, hoping to hear a better version of what he’d just had to endure for this last ten minutes.
“He’s laughing at us, sir ” Agent Blockage said. “And not just in one post , it’s every single day !”
“He’s laughing at you? ”,The Director said, repeating the words, unsure of how to proceed.... “Is that it ? He’s laughing at you? Nothing more?”
Agent Alkaline interjected “Oh no, sir – it’s much worse than that. He makes videos to!”
The Director of Wet Works Operations (WWO) looked over at agent Alkaline - this was some new information that the director hadn’t about before.
“Tell me more, Alkaline” The Director said , “ About these videos. Are they showing him murder and torture and rape people?... We can do something with that !”
Alkaline looked down at the floor and mumbled incoherently.
“Speak up, man!" Said the Boss, " What do these video’s show?”
“Clowns sir!” Agent Alkaline said, “Lots of clowns, and lots of soundtracks. And Hitler.”
“So there’s no murders, rapes or torturing going on in them, then?” The director said.
Silence.
After the long pause, he continued… ”And do these videos have lots of laughter at your expense in them, by any chance?”
“Oh Yes Sir!”, said agent Blockage ‘”There’s a hell of lot of that sort of thing going on, and I can tell you something sir, it ain’t very pretty .”
“Not pretty how, exactly?” , Said the director, a sinking feeling in his stomach accompanied by the regret of just wasting 10 minutes of his life.
“He called me Hitler the other day!”, Said Agent Alkaline.
The Director of wet work operations looked over at them...
"So let me get this straight, agents,” He said, standing up and walking around the office…
“You want me to organize a hit on someone on another continent, because this person is laughing at you and making funny video’s ...Ones that also include laughing at you?...Is that about right?... Am I on the button?”
"Oh, You’ve got it sir!...at last! ", Said Agent Aznocock proudly “And there’s not a minute to waste…”
The head of wet works didn’t know quite how to spell this out to them...
He’d never had to deal with anything like this before…
“Agents, what’s the name of this comedian?”
“ Intelligent comedian , sir! ,” Interrupted Aznocock.
"What ?", Said the Director.
“ He’s an intelligent comedian sir. ..He understands things like irony, and steely, and coppery, and… well, like , everything really – He's a slippery customer, alright.
Slippier than a fishes wet bits you might say, sir ”.
“Indeed...", Said the director, "...Yes, I think I’m getting the picture...Give me his details, and I’ll see what I can do about it..”
“Oh thank you sir”, The three agents shouted in unison, the relief palpable, “We knew that we could depend on you, sir”.
Agent Alkaline passed him a piece of paper.
“
“Ok", The Director said, " Leave it with me.... And goodbye, gentleman.”
“ Oh, one more thing sir," Said Agent Alkaline, " There is something else that you may be able to help us with."
The director sighed deeply once more, and looked over at them, dreading what was coming ...
In actual fact, he was getting very close to starting up his own wet works operation right now, here in his office…
“What is it, Agent Blockage ?”
“ Can dogs look up, sir?”
The director reached for his weapon….