Let me caution you by saying that this will probably be one of the most boring stories you have ever read. I have been wanting to answer this question for a long time. I still refuse to answer this question. I don't know why, to be honest. It's 1 o'clock now, and I must sleep, a little before I sleep I decided to write this answer. I know there will be hardly 10 people reading this answer, but anyway, there is nothing exciting in this answer, just a lot of emotion from a 15 year old girl.
So anyway, I live in India, and as said above, I'm 15 years old. However, I don't even know where to begin. First of all, I'm extremely antisocial, introverted, shy, boring, and probably. I have no social skills whatsoever. I hardly have any friends. What I have is gone. That's not a very bad thing, but, the thing about me is that, even though I prefer to be alone most of the time, there may be some cases where I want to share a company. I want to be around people, but don't want to talk to them. I have tried to improve my social skills but have been unsuccessful. I, honestly, don't even know what people talk about with each other. This makes me very curious. I am tired of trying to change myself for others. Which they don't even notice. So there is no point in even trying. There was this new girl who joined our school and we became friends, but then later on, she found more fun and better people and she left me. We barely talk anymore. When, for example, he told me straight to my face, that I was his "backup friend" and would be with me if no one else from his friend group was there. Although she is not that bad of a person, but still. It might sound a little selfish, but I honestly don't think I should be treated like that.
My grandfather also passed away recently, which made me even more depressed. I loved him very much and miss him even more. It also made me realize the reality that the one I love is finally going to go away. I have decided to spend as much time as I can with the rest of my family.
I do singing too. Although I am not that good, but I love it. Music is one of the very few things that I live by right now. I have never told this to anyone, but I really aspired to be a singer. I really want to. But, of course, I can't. I just want to suppress my feelings. Although I am also very good at athletics. I always win a few medals every year (no bragging at all). At least these two things make me feel a little bit better about myself.
On another note, I love my family. He has kept me alive for so many years. I am forever grateful to him. I really cannot thank him enough for all the sacrifices he has made for me and my sister. To nurture and protect me. To put our lives before them. He has given me a lot since the day I was born. I don't know how can I pay them back. If ever I can. Whenever I have, I really regret taking them lightly. I never want to disappoint them. Thank you Mama (Mother), Papa (Dad), Nanu (Grandfather), Nani (Grandmother), and Masi (Aunt). Thank you.
Conversely, I often find myself wrestling with the gloomy solitude of my mind. Sometimes, I get sad. Maybe it's because of my lack of self-esteem and self-confidence or the fact that I'm overly insecure about myself. I just feel like my life has no purpose. I know it sounds ludicrous, but trust me, I feel like it from the bottom of my heart. It's like that's where I am. Like no one cares about me. No one thinks about me or my health before sleeping. It's all true. And I feel this constant desire to distance myself from everyone around me. To construct a barrier between the other person and myself. But deep down, somewhere in my heart, I hope that there is a person who cares enough to climb that wall to the other side, pull me over the wall, and maybe watch the sunset together. I suppress my feelings a lot. I've learned not to do that, but I don't know how. I hide all these feelings behind this sweet, highly reassuring smile of mine. I hope someone will look at my face and hug me and say - "I know you're not well. Tell me what's wrong." I mean, is that too much to ask? I know I'm definitely sweet, polite, and gullible, but don't I deserve the slightest care? Am I not worth it?
I haven't given up yet. I try I am just hoping that someday some miracle happens, which will give me a small glimmer of happiness, at least. Just a sliver.
I hope.
Shout-out to the PIZZA🍕🍕
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Good Bye and be safe...
