The night on the voyage had always been a mass of distorted visions and lifeless pictures floating behind Rodney's mind. His mom had said that he'd been too young then to recall anything, even if partially, but Rodney never got over the feeling that there had been something about that night he did not recall. He had hoped to see the night replay in his dreams, he had even asked God to show it to him in a trance. It never happened. With each year that sailed past, the awareness of something forgotten grew vivid.
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He didn't recall what it was, not even when he had locked himself up in his room for an entire day, torturing himself by unceasingly racking his brain, not when he had gone back to two of his childhood friends to talk about many random things with them, hoping to have his memory jogged. When Max had come to his apartment three days later with a tiny teabag with an unfamiliar caffeine content, he had been too eager to try it out, whatever it was.
" It will jerk your memory back to life. All the forgotten childhood memories will come back, dude!" He had sounded so excited that Rodney had become skeptical, leaving him standing by the door.
" You won't let me in?" He'd questioned, one eyebrow quivering questioningly. " I want to try that thing you are holding in your hands because I'm desperate, but you look too eager and now I'm skeptical." Rodney had said, his expression still the same.
Max understood the depth of what he felt and how close to insanity it was driving him. He wanted to help. He had been almost too happy when talk of the new caffeine came to his office. Because he was one friend who always looked out for Rodney, he had acquired just two bags of memory-awakening tea, the latest invention of the Massachusetts food scientists. He did not care if it had worked for those who had taken it, he just wanted to be with Rodney when Rodney took his.
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"I like that you know I'd never do anything to hurt you…"Max started to say as he set the small carton holding the teabags down on the center table. " Those are cliche lines."
Rodney snapped, walking past him to the kitchen where he was going to heat up some water.
"As I was saying, Rodney, I would not bring these tea bags if they could hurt you in any way." " I did not say you would," Rodney said from above the kitchen counter. There was a new form of edginess to him now, he was too eager and it almost made him anxious.
The water soon started to boil and they made the tea in two different cups. Minutes later when Rodney took his first sip, it was with tears of relief in his eyes. He was sure, too sure that he was going to relish all the lost childhood memories that his brain had enjoyed discarding in the past.
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The tea wafted into his nostrils as he leaned back on his chair, clasping the cup with both hands. With the smell of the coffee came a wave of nostalgia that he could not shake off. He was alone in his home office because he would rather be alone than be in Max's company while he had a cup of coffee. When he took his second sip, the sweet liquid scalding his tongue, he held his head back in a moment of orgasmic intellectual pleasure. The memories came flooding his mind too suddenly. All the years that had simply eluded his mind like they never came, the small events that made him a happy child.
THE NIGHT ON THE VOYAGE!
There was something about it. He sensed his mind open fully to let him back into the past. He smiled. A slow smile is born from pleasure and satisfaction. His mind was working fast. He had been with his mom and younger sister, their dad was one of the many sailors. Something had happened. Something very crucial to his existence. His fulfillment as a person. He took another sip, willing the scene to play on.
"You're going to take care of your mom and your sister. We're setting sail to the most turbulent parts of the seas when we part with you in Turkey." The words came back clearly to Rodney. He was out on the docs with his father. The wind ruffled his hair and his small chin trembled. He had wanted badly to return to the warmth of the cabin. To be with his mother and sister. "I left some money with your aunt in Turkey. I didn't tell your mom yet. You go and tell your aunt once you're there."
There! Rodney set the glass aside and sighed. Twenty years later he had never retrieved the money because he never remembered to. There, the coffee had fixed his adult life.
