Have you ever suddenly awakened to the sharp dagger of a decade having passed, as if it were only a month or two?

Where does the time go?

How are we all so worried and upset about the traffic and angry at our in-laws? Why do we not spend every spare moment completely, utterly lost in adoration of our cherished loved ones?

If this is temporary why does everyone seem to be rushing and upset so often?

I am a flawed human, that is what ensures my humanity. Imperfections, after all are the seeds required for evolution to take place.

So I’m stumped now. I am at a major crossroads on my lifeline, and it seems that I am struggling due to a changing dynamic within my love life.

It’s hard to pin point - but I am to blame surely.
My little boy is suddenly as tall as me and as cranky as the sleep deprived zombies from the latest zombie show. I mean he is MOODY. He is pre-teen so I figured it’s growing pains.

My love life is also moody. My partner is a great human and we have been a pair since my little Matthew was just 2 years old.

Let me tell you about Matthews biological father- my husband Tommy Lee Sundin.

Tommy Lee Sundin worked in a casino with me. He was the “pit boss” and I was a dice dealer in the game called “craps”. The love story could take A decade to explain, but it was just a few short years.

I loved Tom Sundin. He needed me as much as I needed him. I will never forget the way he looked at my first sight of him.

He wasn’t exactly the most glamorous guy- in fact he was quite goofy. Tall, sweaty forehead year round, and one of his eyes was always a bit off, especially when he was tired. Even so, he was the most beautiful man in any room, in my opinion. His soul was indeed meant for me to adore. He was big, loud, sweet and cool all at once. Tommy Lee. Oh my gosh I miss him.

Tommy was quite a lot older than I was. He had recently been divorced and had no children. We played guitar every day and we laughed and drank beer, sometimes margaritas. He also had a strong dependence on pain medication.

Tommy asked me to Marry him with a tiny diamond ring during Christmas of 2005. When he put the tiny diamond on my shaking hand his eyes were filled with tears, and as one drop escaped he quickly wiped it away. He muttered - clearly annoyed at his tears. Then, in his most beautiful and clumsy way he blurted out the question.

“So, ya wanna ... you know. Lori you wanna marry me, baby girl?”

I could not have been asked in a better way. As awkward as this proposal was - his big brown eyes welled up and he knew it was a sure thing. He knew.
I didn’t even say yes. I just let out a huge breath and layed back on the couch dramatically- I was laughing.

Tommy climbed on top of me and kiss my forehead and the back of my hands and he said “We gonna do the whole fluffy dress and tux thing?” I just could not stop cracking up.

I finally caught my breath between kisses and laughter and I said “I think we should do it where ever we feel like doing it”.

He paused and stared hard at me from above. His breath became fast and took more effort - he whispered to me “Lori girl you just said yes to being my wife.”

I nodded through giggles and a hint of tears. I knew we would spend the rest of our days in love, and everything would always be fine as long as we stuck together.

I became pregnant- before the wedding. I wasn’t fitting into the tiny dress I had bought. I was getting fatter by the hour - and moodier too. One day I decided I didn’t want a white dress. White symbolizes virginity and I was clearly a pregnant woman, I mean COME ON.

We opted out of the fluffy wedding and instead we did a drive through wedding - just the two of us. It was awesome.

If only I could explain the love - if only I could express to my readers and friends the depth of my love for that man.

He was my perfect match. Still is.
Matthew was born in December 2006 and We had some great weeks, but when Matthew was only 2 months old Tommy got sick with an illness called pancreatitis. He was very sick, and he died In the hospital on February 4th 2007, when we were still newlyweds and our baby was just 2 months old.

Saddest days of my life came then.
Remember this was 10 years ago now, so even though it does hurt to recall- I have had a long time and a lot of healing since he passed away.

I will tell you more about it later today or another day but now I just want to pause right here - thank you so much for reading.

It is with heavy tears that I type these words and I must take break now because frankly I don’t have time to cry this hard. I have a magazine to help finalize for tomorrow.
Thank you Steemit friends for making me want to share this love story, because it deserves to be told. Great love happens.
Tragic or not , it happens!

Much love, much respect.

~Lori Brown~