Greetings loyal followers.
My executive assistant Vera, who could save every single starfish on a beach if she wanted to, has informed me that one of my least favorite inhabitants from your planet is at it again.
It appears that 
Luckily for
If you are unaware, this
What a surprise.
Moreover, this
And that is saying quite a bit since one of my teachers took me away from my mother (who died while I was gone... thanks a lot for that) and another hit on my wife, cut off my freaking legs, left me in lava to die, and stole my children.
Let us see what this dirty lying liar has said this time.
Let's start with his most obvious and disgusting falsehood. He called the Empire "bad guys". Bad guys? We are the best guys. I mean our organization is full of super rich beings and we have almost no aliens in it at all. We are almost 100% humanoid. There were a few non-humanoids who were brought into the Empire when they were infants. They claimed to be loyal and hard working. More lies! But we took care of that horrendous problem. We sent them back to their little huts on their flarghole planets. Even with the implementation of this policy, my worship ratings with these non-humanoids has doubled over the last 12 of your months. Amazing!
Next he dares talk about our technology. He is from Earth the most primitive planet I have ever encountered. What does he know about our weapons? I mean, just last week I sold an Immobilizer 936 Cruiser to the N'r Wae system. It is HUGE! You would not believe how powerful it is. I am nearly positive it is the most powerful weapon that anyone ever has seen. I basically built it myself.
Wait.
Yes Vera.
What?
There is no such thing as a Immobilizer 936 Cruiser?
What's that?
It is only available in an Earth game called Battlefront?
Ok. Thanks
No matter. I'll just keep saying it exists until everyone believes it.
Back to
He then proceeds to talk about the Empire making its most powerful weapons "standard issue". He's a freaking teacher! What does he know about the military? Is he unstable? Is he an idiot? Take it from the most stable genius in any universe, you can't put your best weapon on every ship. The cost would be astronomical! How would I pay for all of my working vacations if I provided the Imperial Navy with the best weapons available?
His thoughts on "implementation" are also simply idiotic. I understand him downplaying the effectiveness of the Dreadnoughts and Deathstar. After all, it was incredibly stupid of my putrid and moronic boss to be so proud of this technological terror he'd constructed. The ability to destroy a planet is insignificant next to the power of the Force. But to follow that up with, "some very powerful Sith lords"?! There is no question.
I am not just "some very powerful Sith lord". I am 6' 3" and 239 pounds of pure awesomeness. He acts like I am the unstable idiot. Actually, throughout my life, my two greatest assets have been mental stability and being, like, really smart. Crooked Mar Camel also played these cards very hard and, as everyone knows, went down in flames. I went from VERY successful pod-racer, to top Padawan, to The Chosen One (on my first try). I think that would qualify as not smart, but genius….and a very stable genius at that!
Finally, I know that our two galaxies are on a non-linear timeline, but what are you talking about when you say the Empire didn't win the war?
I am a winner; not a loser like him. I am the single greatest Sith lord in the history of the universe. The Rebels lost because they have no game.
Someone really needs to do something about all of these fake transmissions full of facts.
What my teachers deserve
Why do I hate teachers?
Some fine people
That question is based on facts. I hate those.
100% Awesome.
