I wish I was at a stage where I could give others advice about coping with the loss of a loved one, especially around the holidays.
For myself, this is the first time in two years that I've actually felt excited about the holiday season. ...Actually, it's been longer than that, but that's another story for another time.
I lost my mother in October of 2015. It was completely unexpected--an accident. Her eyes would have probably widened in shock if I could have told her that not only were the police called in, but she made the news as well. How embarrassing! she'd exclaim.
My mother was, quite honestly, the best friend I ever had. And the only family I had. My father abandoned us years ago (though to this day, he swears that's not true). Her family is too busy fighting amongst themselves to pay attention to anyone else. So it was just us. For 34 years, she was right there with me.
And then suddenly she wasn't.
Most days, I still feel like I'm drifting out at sea, lucky if I have so much as that door that Rose clung to in "Titanic." Some days, the waves crash over me until I'm sure I'm going to drown. But the sunlight has been filtering in gradually, and I've been seeing a few more peeks of it this month. Going through all the holiday aisles at the store still makes me long for the Before days, but it doesn't leave me weeping like an idiot in public.
I'm hoping the trend continues. I never want to forget my mother, but I would love to be able to think of her with happiness instead of pain.
Merry Christmas, Mom. <3