Ever been in a situation where you wonder how you're going to survive when you find yourself amidst a storm? You may be in a tiny boat that seemingly will never get you on land safely. You start picturing the boat capsizing, people in a panic, and everyone drifting apart! Those who stay calm, put on their life jackets, and head for the life rafts, for sure have a chance of surviving!
I would never have believed if someone told me what lay ahead after losing my hubby of nearly fifty years. The paperwork, the legalities, and the feeling of utter despair that he was never coming back. Weird how a part deep down inside could not register that he was gone forever. Perhaps a way of shielding one from the initial shock?
There were many times when I felt I was in a little boat on a stormy sea, and that I was not going to survive, but someone always came to the rescue with words of encouragement. My two sons and my brothers, each in their own way, take over and help with many practicalities. What would I have done without them?
It's almost two years, and I now often think he's still beside me when I wake up; kind of a comforting feeling. Unlike the shock in the beginning when I'd wake up and realize his side of the bed is untouched, his pillow perfectly fluffed up.
I look at these two ships, a gift from my brother. I will not have space for them when I finally move into a smaller home, wherever. There are many 'things' I will not part with, but will give other things to people who will appreciate them.
My mind's still not made up where to go, so I may just lead the gypsey life for a while once my house is sold! The property market is dead right now, so there hasn't been much happening there.
Suits me fine, for now, gives me time to sort through fifty years of memories. The job of going through those has been going at a snail's pace!
I had to come up with a plan to stop me from procrastinating, so I turned my dining room table into an organizing table. I now have to get the job done and not put it on hold indefinitely.
Each little heap is being allocated to family and even friends. But I'm keeping the best to myself;)
Everyone who has moved has told me to start early if I need to minimize, which is exactly what I've been doing with everything besides the old photos and mementos!
I often think of my two SA Hive friends, 
Can one ever be?
No!
Joan shared this African proverb in her last post:
Life is like a boat you move on when you paddle and stay in the same place if not.
The lesson - keep on paddling!
Fiona wrote a touching post about a wonderfully healing weekend with special friends.
I've lost family and friends, often untimely, but that was different.
I know both Fiona and Joan will agree that nothing could prepare one for the loss of one's beloved soulmate!
Yes, I was lost at sea, drowning at times, not believing that a part of me was gone. But, I am so thankful for family and friends - even here on Hive - who have lifted me and helped me stay afloat!
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