[WEEK 218] Misbehavior and repercussions

Good morning friends of Weekend experiences. It has become a nice habit for me to spend Saturday mornings, and in the case of today it is sunny and radiant outside, although freezing, I got carried away by one of the topics that @galenkp shares with us in the initiative for week 218 that in this link you can see in detail.

The topic chosen is bad behavior, in this case mine, but I could delve into many other people's bad behaviors as well. We are all judges when we have to put up with someone else's behavior and we are hardly judges when it comes to our own. That is why, besides understanding what it means to behave badly, it is also to be able to be responsible for what we get.

It was 2019 and I had very recently left my country, luck is mischievous, and my friend was also leaving the country a few months later, the plan was to at least coincide a few days and see each other. During this time, I must admit that I didn't take the time to be able to talk to her properly. This took its toll little by little.

At the beginning everything was nicer. The photos I sent were beautiful, the things I told her, or the places I discovered, traveling has many ups and downs and moving without knowing the place before is a double challenge, even though I loved it and I would do it again, it was a very blind decision that at the time required more strength than I could put into it.

Moments came and went, my friend wrote me less and less, and when she did, I noticed her angry, upset, the conversation was always going towards some point of tension, not like a fight, but very tense. We spent nights talking, and I would almost say I don't remember what about. She faithfully demanded that even if it was nonsense, I should write to her, tell her. I at one point did not have a good time, many responsibilities fell on me and I felt that writing about this to my friend would not help, and I did not want my experience to mark her desire to leave either. It is very personal when you go from one place to another and life seems to change completely.

Very slowly, we didn't talk to each other anymore. There were a few complaints that stood out from the usual chats, and these had to do with my behavior. We were able to see each other in the middle of her trip, and it was clear that there was no such resentment on my part, but she insisted that I was not "business as usual" and practically two weeks later we never spoke to each other again.

It was very painful to lose a great friendship. The unconscious misbehavior that I had been carrying on those days was soon overtaken by the ticket. When I realized how badly I had acted, I tried to recompose and compensate for this position. And she was not very accessible. Although I tried to visit her, or to meet her sometime, I understood that I had to take care of the other's part as well. In this case, I do not know the pain she must have gone through, but I can say with great pain, that even though I was wrong in my behavior, and I could not be honest with my friend, nor overcome my own obstacles to keep the friendship, I let her fall and this then weighed on me.

It was not recoverable, and I had to accept this absence with the years that followed. Those laughs that were so genuine and accompanied will not be there, and although I can understand me, and her, the time that passed marked us in such a way that it has not been possible to coincide in a sincere talk between both of us. Surely this will not happen soon, and it is also difficult to accept a loss due to one's own bad behavior, and not a fight, or a difference of opinions. But a bad behavior. And it was up to me to move on, knowing that although I acted badly, it was not with malice. A mistake that had no chance of compensation and I had to accept the absence of another, on behalf of the absence that I was in his life as well.

Sometimes saying goodbye to friends who are no longer on our path, and wishing them the best in life, is the only thing we can do. But I wonder, if one of my friends had acted badly towards me, and wrote to me years later, how would I have reacted...because I think I am the kind of person who gives other opportunities, and I would have liked to sit down and chat with people who acted badly towards me...even if those people didn't give me that opportunity. And that's how this topic leaves me thinking broadly. Why do I give chances, if the world or my old friendships don't give these chances to me? Maybe learn more to value inward, my apology to my friend was sincere, and even if the bond was not recoverable, I did the right thing towards the end.

I send you a big hug, I hope it has been entertaining to read, because it is more a reflection than a story, even so I tried to accompany the post with several images that make me think of different behaviors that were not lucky enough to be corrected, and accept that we build on them, we should not regret for past attitudes. Although this does not determine whether or not we are good people, but we can be good people who make mistakes, if the company was the right one, it would also accompany us to improve. If this does not happen and you learn alone, as was my case, hopefully life has another chance waiting for you, in the end only the truth floats and with it we must stay, even if those we love do not accompany us.