My entire life has been dedicated to pleasing my elders. My parents, my teachers, my church leaders, my employers, my government leaders, my forefathers, my country, my god. We most certainly would not want to disappoint god.
I followed the rules, colored in the lines, sought approval, and made decisions based on what I was told I should do, not on what I felt was good for me (and how would I know what was good for me, when I was always TOLD what was good for me).
I avoided saying "NO" whenever possible, refrained from speaking up when something made me feel uncomfortable (because that would be rude), and kept most of my opinions to myself.
And guess how good the sex was?
Actually, I wouldn't KNOW how good the sex was. I wasn't having any! Because THAT would be WRONG!! Shame shame shame. But I guarantee you, if I had been having The Sex, it would have been BOOOORING!!!
I'm no different from any other typical 40-something, middle-class, white American female. I had the same backward glance on life that all my peers had. And I had the same reaction they had, which is something along the lines of "WHAT THE FUCK?"
And THAT'S when the sex gets great. Cuz we aren't as worried about the blemishes, the wrinkles, the flaws of our belly buttons, or the imperfections of our asses. We LOVE ourselves and our bodies a lot more now that we are far LESS "perfect" than we used to be when we were younger and far more "perfect" (but far more critical) of ourselves.
And when we love ourselves, our nooks and crannies, our pasts and our present, guess what happens? We become lovers. And leave all inhibition behind.
For women who can drop inhibition at a younger age, this ought to be celebrated, not shamed. And this is the attitude I hope to rub off onto women of all ages. The irony is, the girls who are "pleasers" end up being the least likely to please in the bedroom, because they do not know how to let loose and be pleased. Or seek to plunge into the pools of pleasure. As they are taught that their own pleasure is selfish and not important.
The more self-assured and less inhibited the woman, the happier and more pleased the man.
