I don't really know where to start. I canceled the 100-day challenge for this year, again. This is the third time I tried to make it, the third time I give up. I managed to draw for 32 days, which is something I guess. I won't beat me up too much about it, it's just always hard for me to let go of things, to not make myself miserable about every small failure.
I'm not in a good place with my life right now. Haven't been for a long time. I have this background in art and graphical design. I wasn't able to see myself as a fully grown artist back when I needed to find my first jobs, so I started to run for the safe thing. I got my A-level at an evening school, tough 3 years but I was able to do it.
I started to study Software Development and it was so hard, so incredibly tough on me. But I pushed through and made it almost to the end. I wasn't able to finish my bachelor's thesis. I tried for a year and I just wasn't able to do it.
The company I worked for back then was kind enough to give me a contract for a year anyway.
So I continued to work there for some months.
I never felt so empty in my entire life. Eventually, I got diagnosed with depression. Stopped working in October 2017, been taking some therapy since then. Next week I'm going to be in full-time therapy for a month. I'm excited and anxious to see how that will work out for me.
I don't really know where I am and where I am going. I want to continue being part of this community, though it's often not easy to give it all the energy it deserves.
I love to write, I still love to paint, to draw, even if it tears me apart on some days. I love and appreciate all the friendly words I got on here. I started to hope that this could be something for me, that I could somehow make a living with art, with writing. Right now I'm not so sure, things will work out eventually, they always do.
I might keep on blogging once I'm in full-time therapy, to log my progress, to observe what's going on.
We'll see, I don't want to write down too many promises, for myself, for others.
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