It's almost 24 hours to the first part of the activities while the second and final part comes up the following day.
My people were running around to make sure that things were put in order. My fiancee was busy putting the arrangements in place with her people from their end. The experience was unique because I have never been at the center of celebration in that manner. Having people coming home from far and near for me was really amazing.
My joy was full only to the exclusion of each time I remember my sister. My lovely sister died about eight months earlier. I cried for her absence when a particular loophole was identified and she would have filled the loophole perfectly if alive.
Whereas, everyone around me was raining congratulatory words on me, I was thinking of what it takes to embark on the journey that I was about to. I had seen marriages scattered due to accusations and counter-accusations from both partners.
I remembered a sermon that I listened to in the mosque where the Imam said that you can never know yourselves totally as partners even if you courted for donkey years. This sermon came to my mind each time the thought of knowing enough about the woman I am taking as my wife comes to my mind.
The preparation was on top gear and on Friday evening, the first aspect of the wedding was conducted. My family members took some materials like yam, rice, oil, fish and the rest to the family of my fiancee. It was when this was being delayed due to the late arrival of my aunts from the city that I cried again on the demise of my sister who would have come home days before instead of making the journey the same day that her service was needed. They eventually arrived and they went for the presentation of the items.
I didn't have any role to play in such a trip. I went to a hotel bar with friends to relax in anticipation of their return.
"So, am I truly taking in a wife like this?" I often asked myself and I would reply with visible smiles.
My friends would tease me that I was so happy that I was smiling repeatedly. Unknown to them, the smiles were answers to many questions that I was asking myself.
I didn't stay long in the hotel before I returned home to welcome the team that went on the trip to my father in-law's house.
"Your in-laws are very friendly. They welcomed us with fanfare and they appreciated the materials." My Aunt recounted their experience during the trip.
They wasted no time to join others in the kitchen who were busy preparing the food to be used for the nikkah and reception the following day.
"Put more salt in the meat."
"Where is the seasoning?"
"This fire is too much, reduce it."
The women could be heard happily giving themselves multiple instructions to get the food prepared.
In the evening, my uncle called for me to have a private discussion with him.
On arriving at his house which was a stone throw from my family house, he took me to his bedroom to talk to me as someone who was at the interphase of bachelorhood and a husband.
"My son, you are starting a new journey. The journey that we have been praying for. What I want to tell you today is the same thing that my lovely brother (your father) would have told you if he were to be alive." He took a glass of water on his table to take a sip before continuing.
"Are you ready to get married? I remember asking you this question the first time that you told me of coming with your fiancee for an introduction and I am asking you again."
"Yes Sir," I replied with a bow.
"In that case, you should be ready to have a forgiving spirit. You are starting a journey with someone that has a different background from yours. It will take deliberate efforts of both of you, especially you, to reach compromises where necessary and blend the two backgrounds to get what works for both of you.
"Do you remember the last time that I flogged you?" He asked me with some giggles while sipping his glass of water again.
I went into a few seconds of consultation with my memory before remembering the incident.
"I think it's some years ago that I fought my brother in your presence." I replied to him.
"That's good of you. You went physical with your brother and I flogged you for disrespecting your elder brother. This is someone that you grew up together with under the same parents, yet misunderstanding is inevitable.
"Your wife is coming from an entirely different background. Be open to her on your likes and dislikes, don't hold grudges and be ready to have a forgiving heart. The success of this journey that you are about to start is dependent on your deliberate efforts. Both of you saying "I love you" to each other isn't enough to run your home .
"You must uphold respect, trust and sacrifice. Try as much as possible to settle your misunderstandings amicably without involving third parties. If it becomes necessary, involve elders in our family or her family to help you maintain peace. Have listening ears and guide your family to the right path. I wish your marriage to be among the best." He concluded.
This advice has helped me a lot since I tied the knot with my wife about two years ago. We have had disagreements many times but each time there is a misunderstanding, I take it as those experiences to be encountered while trying to blend our personalities to get what works for us.
So far, we reached some individual compromise to get a workable blend. We forgive each other and move on.
God has blessed us with a son and the journey is amazing since we started.
I pray that Almighty Allah continue to guide us through the marital journey.
