I grew up with my parents and I can say that my childhood was lovely. I was shown parental care and love. Whatever I needed that was under the reach of my parents, they wouldn't hesitate to get it for me. If it wasn't within their reach, they would talk to me to bury the idea of having it.
My father would use every opportunity to preach contentment to my siblings and I.
"Don't be in dare love with what you can't afford. Don't be desperate to get anything. Protect your integrity and that of the family that you come from."
These were constant statements from my father.
I grew up with this understanding. At home and in school, I had friends whose parents were wealthier than mine. The kids enjoyed some luxuries more than me. I took my eyes off their possessions with the conviction that I must be content with what my father could provide for me. My father trusted me for this. He could defend me in my absence. When I was accused of doing anything, he would take a position before my arrival. And when the truth of the issue comes out, whatever position he took earlier would be in tandem with the truth of the situation.
There was a scenario that happened when I was in primary school. Primary 4 to be precise. My classmate, Tosin collected my pen to write a classwork. I had two pens so it wasn't difficult for me to help him with one. We went on a lunch break and by the time we went back to the class, I asked him for my pen. He couldn't provide it.
Out of annoyance, I picked up his bag and ransacked it for my pen. I couldn't find it.
The normal school activities closed by 2 pm and thirty minutes later, afternoon lessons which were optional for the pupils would begin. When we went in for the lesson, Tosin cried out that his lesson of 500 Naira had been stolen. According to him, he had wanted to pay the money in the morning, but the school bursar wasn't on the seat. All eyes were on me as the thief that stole the money.
Our class teacher had warned us not to search another person's bag. But I needed to do that when Tosin wasn't showing any seriousness to get my pen for me. I didn't want to get punished by my father who had warned me several times not to handle my belongings carelessly. This prompted me to search the bag the way I did.
When the money couldn't be found, the class teacher told me to provide the money. I broke down in tears. All my efforts to defend myself were rebuked. I nearly cried my eyes out.
When the issue got to my father, he called me inside the room to ask me some questions. After the questioning session, my father came out and told my class teacher that I wasn't the one that stole the money. My father faulted me for searching the bag but he stood by me to defend me. The trust was topnotch.
We headed to Tosin's house to meet his parents. We arrived there and met another development entirely.
Tosin's father started apologizing even before my father started talking. It was discovered that Tosin mistakenly left the money at home in the morning.
My father was angry. My class teacher, Tosin and his parents apologized to me profusely.
The following day, the issue was addressed in class and another round of apology was offered to me by Tosin and the class teacher.
This was just one out of many situations where my father stood by me and never regretted doing so. I wish to instill discipline in my children in this manner. If my children tell me it is white, I should meet white and not any color else. This is a virtue that I wish to transfer to my children.
On the other hand, whatever action that you don't want your kids to take after you, don't do it in their presence. Children learn by imitation. I was a victim of this.
My dad wasn't intentional about it but unknowingly to him, I was hiding to imitate what I saw him do with his friends. It took me much effort to get out of it as an adult.
I learned to be careful what I do in the presence of my children. They see every action and are willing to practice them.
