It's a beautiful new week and I am so excited about this new week, I woke up this morning writing out my goals and plans for the week, and as I wrote down my plans an event that happened last night was replayed in my head again. My first daughter had just hit her sister's back because her sister was playing with her water bottle and as she hit her she shouted 'Stop playing with my water bottle, I will flog you' while thinking about the whole scenario and while I was at it I remember this her new behavior of spanking her sister whenever the sister is doing what she doesn't like is not new. A deeper thought make me realize she has learned it from me. it wasn't easy to admit but it's true.
Growing up in an African home, we believe so much in correcting a child with spanking and also raising our voice, that a child listens faster when you raise your voice, a pattern like this has been with me so it's not easy to try and change my mindset. Whenever my first daughter is misbehaving I will always raise my voice to correct her and sometimes spank her to behave, so now she sees raising of voice as a way to correct her sister as well.
I have come to realize this mode of training only works temporarily and create long time disadvantages.
Children are learning from us and it's difficult to tell a child not to spank her sister when you spank her for every wrongdoing. it's more like do what I say don't do what I do scenario. children don't do what we say they do what we do and I have learned that the wrong way. These days I do a great analysis of myself and ask myself some critical questions about some of my behaviors which I won't want any of my daughters to pick from. It's not about being hard on myself but about being the best version of myself for me and my daughters.
Little things like thrashing the waste properly, asking permission before eating her snacks, and saying please before a request. These might look like it doesn't matter but I have seen it matter a lot raising my two-year-old daughter. If I want my kids to control their emotions then I need to learn to control my emotions as well because I can't give what I don't have. if I want my kids to behave when we are on an outing I need to learn to behave as well especially if they are not behaving the way I want them to behave. If a child sees me freaking out whenever I am stressed then the child sees that as a normal thing. whenever she sees me shout because she's not doing what I want her to do at the moment then she sees shouting as a tool to correct as well
This parenting journey is not an easy one I have made mistakes but my three words on parenting are learn, unlearn, and relearn. There is no perfect way to parent a child but the best way is to parent with love and discipline, say what you mean also, and don't make a promise you can't keep. May we all be the good parent we want to be for our kids and at the same time not lose our sense of purpose. I am rooting for you all and you are not alone. We are all in struggle for better parenting.
Thank you for reading and have a great week.
