~ LOH Community Contest#142 - Uncertainty~

Greetings pupil.

There are many things inside of me that I am not sure of. If I now give myself a good amount of time I might come up with many, so let me not do that. Instead let me share a story with you and you decide the rest.

So, I have always been the today person, like not much of a long time thinker. That is how I have curled my life and belongings for which I faced a lot of trouble when instantly I was told to make choices for my future endeavors, because that is something I wouldn't just abruptly think now.

Therefore, I have been avoiding answering to relatable questions along that line and have thought that I was incapable of adjusting to drastic change. I believed that for many years until I was thrown into a situation where I had no choice. It was the biggest decision of my life, choosing my academic pathway in China.

When I was back in my hometown, I never would have ever thought to leave my country for academic person. I am and have been a family person and an introvert. Living away and making my own living and lifestyle wasn't the kind of choice I was ever ready for, from the very beginning. So, when I realized that in my country I wouldn't be able to sit for the exams I only had two pathway in front of me. One, where I choose MBBS and leave my country and another, where I do not choose MBBS.

I chose MBBS and here I am. The decision that was a piece of cake for me before then became a hardcore one for me. It took me several sittings to finally acknowledge the idea of leaving but honestly, it was not my own choice. My family played a major role in it. Even after reaching in China I was not quite sure of the choice I made or the position I was put into. It felt like a burden rather than a choice.

However, I always knew myself to be confident in my own choices and rational but when it came to such uncertain decisions, I think I was not the person I knew I was. Even now I rethink, if it was a rational choice but I am not a thinker, so I stop at the start of it. So, am I thinker? Am I a procrastinator? I knew that I am not so am I not?

I still remember the conversation I had with my elder sister, 3 year back, it was regarding fixing an AC in my room. I knew I needed it the most still I was reluctant to buy it and especially I was against it being in my own room. My elder sister gave me an option where I could avail what I was looking for but I didn't choose it. I kept on iterating that mom already fixed it in my room.

I was sure of my own choice but something was not fitting in, maybe. If I am charged regarding it I would not be able to answer. However, I always knew that I am confident and upright while making decision for myself. Finally, I am not sure anymore.

I think not being sure about ourselves might lead us to many troubles but we do not have a book on ourselves that we can reflect and read to know. LOL. So, my making mistakes only we will learn. I like the slow way but I am intolerant towards health related issues. I better utilize all the amount of energy in my body properly than waste a bit doing things I hate.

Thank you @ladiesofhive in making this opportunity for me to share my thoughts in words. I am not a very confident person outwardly but I sure to give myself some space inside. This is the second contest of LOH community that I am participating in, please take care of me. Thank you once again. @aqua-red I have been watching you come and go, so do not just hide-away, participate here. I am looking forward to your post.