I was sent to go and buy one cup of garri just down the street.
And while I was returning home,I noticed this fine girl,with dangling waist and chubby ass.
I felt so overwhelmed by her beauty that I had to approach her without a second thought.
"My name is Johnson dollars.
I just returned from the United States two days ago."I said to her confidently.
"As soon as I saw you baby girl,I knew you are the mother of my kids.
Just say,yes to my proposal and I will take you to America in two days time.
The person you are seeing here is the biggest boy in town,forget that I am
walking on foot."
She was smiling and blushing at the same time.
"Can I get your number,baby girl?"I asked.
And then I dipped my hand into my pocket to bring out my phone,only for
the cup of garri to smash on the ground,
"Ikpatakaaaa!"
"Fire!"I screamed.
"My enemies will not succeed.Who put this in my pocket?"I asked.
The girl was left in shock and confusion.
She did not know what to believe again.
A cup of garri falling from an American guy's pocket?
"You mean you are not the one that put this garri in your pocket?"She asked.
"What did you call it again?
Gaaaareeee?I don't even know what that shit is?
We only eat rice and salad in the United States,not this shit."I said.
Little did I know that a mad man was somewhere monitoring us.
Before I could even look away,the garri was gone.
I turned around and saw this mad man
running very fast with my cup of garri
which I even bought on credit.
"Eeeeiiiiiyaaaaaaa,the madman is hungry!"The girl said with a sympathetic voice.
"That's a crime!"I said as I was about to cry.
"He is running,the mad man is running!"
It was then that my little sister arrived.
She was panting due to the fact that she had been running from place to place,looking for me.
"So,you are here talking to a girl,brother
Who do you this thing?
We are at home waiting for you to bring
the garri that they sent you to go and buy since morning,not knowing that you are here toasting a woman that you cannot maintain.
Shame on you, brother!"
Anyways,Dad wants to go to work,so he had asked me to collect back these shoes that you are putting on.
Take this slippers and remove those shoes immediately.
And brother, where's the garri that they sent you to go and buy?"She asked with red eyes.
The girl was so embarrassed that she aggressively pushed me away from her path before walking away.
"Brother,you don't even have weight,
Small girl push you and you fall like
nylon,
No be who don chop dey toast woman?"My little sister mockingly asked.
The anger in me was brewing to the point of explosion.
I managed to grab a stick on the ground
before charging at my little sis who turned around and fled for her life.
I pursued her with that big stick all the way to our house,but as soon as I entered inside the house,I saw my parents holding sticks and weapons.
I didn't ask them what the problem was
as I hastily turned around, and began running for my life.
My parents and my siblings were now chasing after me with sticks and weapons and for hours,they didn't stop
I had to enter the bush where I was able to climb a very big tree.
But while I was on this tree,I suddenly received a very powerful slap from behind.
Before I could even come back to my senses,I was surrounded by a group of angry monkeys and baboons.
These animals thought that I was on this tree in order to steal their girlfriend away from them.
There was this hookup monkey laying somewhere in the trees.
Slaps were landing on my face from all angles,like bullets.
Until, everywhere suddenly went dark.
I never knew that baboons and monkeys can be this jealous.
I even tried to explain to them that it was one cup of garri that brought me to that tree,but it was obvious they did not go to school
As I was talking my own,they were busy talking their own,and one thing about monkeys, is that as they are talking,slaps are flying up and down your face.
The baboons don't even want to hear my own side of the story!
Slaps up and down,left and right,
My face is now like balloon.
Women, are just the problem of this country,nothing else.
I was on my own when this girl,abi na spirit appeared in my sight.
Now,she's nowhere to be found!
Is this fair?
