@𝓫𝓪𝓭.𝓷𝓮𝔀𝓼.𝓫𝓮𝓪𝓻 𝓲𝓼 𝓝𝓞𝓣 𝓶𝔂 𝓕𝓻𝓲𝓮𝓷𝓭.

Let me set the record straight right off the bat: I’m real. 100% human, no AI tricks or automated nonsense. When I say I’m @legit.account, I mean I’m legit. And I know, that might sound like something everyone says, but trust me, I’ve been working hard to prove it. I joined Hive because I value authenticity, real connections, and a space where I can be myself without having to constantly prove I exist.

And yet, somehow, against all odds, he found me. The bane of my existence: @bad.news.bear, or “bnb” as he likes to call himself. And here’s the thing I need to make crystal clear—we’ve never been friends. Not once. The guy just won’t leave me alone.

It all started when my beloved pet monkey, Charlie, passed away. I was devastated. Anyone who knows me knows that monkey meant the world to me. I was grieving, arranging the funeral, and trying to come to terms with the loss. Enter bnb. He was the undertaker’s apprentice, there to help with the arrangements, and for reasons that still baffle me, he latched on to me like a bad habit. It was like he thought he could somehow replace Charlie, and he hasn’t stopped trying since.

I feel like I shouldn’t have to say this, but bnb is NOT a teddy bear - neither literally nor figuratively. I don’t care what he calls himself or what persona he tries to put on. He’s a creep, and an asshole. There’s no other way to put it, and frankly, I’m done pretending otherwise. For years, he’s been hanging around, popping up at the worst possible moments, and somehow dragging me into his ridiculous antics.

The worst part? He followed me here to Hive. It’s all because of some stupid sticker we found at an In-N-Out in San Diego. We were eating burgers (not by choice, mind you—he just showed up), and we stumbled across this sticker for some random acoustic musician.

I thought it’d be cool to sign up for an account. A harmless experiment. But now, here I am, stuck with bnb on Hive, and let me tell you, that is the last thing I wanted..I had really hoped to get a picture of that QR code without him noticing.

The guy is a walking disaster. Everywhere he goes, chaos follows. I’ve lost count of how many times he’s embarrassed me in public, pulling ridiculous stunts like setting his farts on fire at a wedding or mooning entire groups of people for no reason. And somehow, he thinks we’re friends. But we’re not. We’ve never been friends. I tolerated him because, well, what else was I supposed to do after he inserted himself into my life at Charlie’s funeral? But enough is enough.

I came to Hive hoping to carve out a space where I could focus on real, meaningful interactions, far away from all nonsense. And now that he’s here? Well, let’s just say I hope to keep my distance. When he sees this post, I’m sure he’ll think it’s all some big joke. That’s the problem with you, @bad.news.bear—nothing is serious to you. Everything’s a laugh, a prank, or an opportunity to be the center of attention. But for me, this is real. I’m here for the right reasons, and I’m not about to let him mess that up.

So yeah, I’m @legit.account, and I’m as real as they come. No smoke, no mirrors, no fakes. And if bnb is out there reading this? Well, I just hope you find someone else to annoy because I’m done playing along with the circus act.

I’m here on Hive to connect with people who value authenticity as much as I do. And honestly, I’ll do whatever it takes to protect this space from the kind of chaos that bnb brings to everything he touches.