Hi February 2nd 2022;
You are not far from my grasp. Just a tad more moments in between here and there -- I am certainly grateful for every day. It is the last day of the Sundance film festival over in Park City and I am sure you are studying. Preparing for another exam, becoming our dream girl -- getting stronger every day. I am sure you are grand. How did it feel to find another outlet? And another stress valve? Writing, art, philosophy answer questions better than anyone you've ever surveyed -- huh? I am happy for you.
There are things I want you to remember about 2020 as they fade from your memory; alas, it is already 2021. And as grand as mental breakdowns are -- strength solves and resolves obstacles better than any picnic on top of a giant boulder. Yes, the view was grand, it's just. Plan time to live and march forward with a schedule in hand -- it's not as exciting as traveling to Thailand with just a backpack and the clothes on your back. But, hey! There are no rules in creativity and abstract paintings expose all those secrets beautifully.
I fell in love with that girl you used to be too. Full of wonder and lusting after the future with eyes full of angst. That twenty-something year old shouldered a lot of dreams. The art of photography is the crop. How do I display this image as mystically as possible is now done in your mind; not by means of a one-way ticket around the world. I thought I'd escape all the problems on the beaches of New Zealand; alas. I did not.
The pictures however display an affable female on the trip of a lifetime. Running was a lifestyle more or less; and no matter the views, I still had each and every one of my problems. I guess I hope you do not forget that when you dream of traveling all around Asia. I present it to you in the following metaphor; reflection is the pictures of the woman on the beaches where right behind you all -- there was a pile of burning trash. Crop life to your liking.
I imagine we are two different people, and there is some sadness on my end about who you become. As we age -- we roam from our youthfulness. We get further from the fires of our fathers. I stand on the fact that you will become everything I've imagined you are; truly. I have faith in you; future me. I believe in you; who needs external validation when I approve of you being authentically you. In some ways, we have consistently fought for the right of self expression; even if that meant not shaving. Remember those days?
You are in your last year of college; this time in 2023 it will be near graduation. In the face of a deep internal battle the mother inside you stood up; even when there was no role model around. I am proud of your steadfast determination to seek education. The grit you have displayed is worth its weight in gold, I've always seen that in you. You pretend you cannot run on the treadmill, yet I've seen you cover miles in minutes. Darling, you are a warrior and I am so glad you stepped up to the front lines, again.
You've been trampled and look at you standing up. I see how detail orientated and clean you've become. I've seen the well-prepared woman you have grown into being. She runs a steady schedule that does not stop to say hello to strangers in the hallways. You've become the girl who cannot stay and talk because she's got to go run at exactly 5:30 PM and cannot chat -- she is on a strict schedule. That's a boss ass bitch and the blinders are set in stone. Version 2017 would have laughed at the idea of a schedule; I get it. I am proud of you 22. It was 19 that decided that it may be okay to "plan" "shit". And it was 20 that begged for a schedule, routine, plans turned her on -- it was some dark days during that transition. 21 implemented and 22, look at you darling.
Spin? Please?
You look fabulous from this angle. How's dark academia and blue? How is the entire "all blue phase" going. And how did you incorporate the red? What's the deal with Bitcoin -- and how are your crypto currency investments? Are you investing in Hive regularly? How's the marathon training? How's your videos doing? How are those poems now turned songs -- eh? I want to see how all those crazy creative adventures turned out. These are some I do need answers to:
Did the art ever get hung in a gallery/coffee shop? I want pictures.
How's the first manuscript coming? Got a few good stories done?
And how is school? Did you get a presidents list or deans list?
The paintings, did you donate them to a thrift store? Did you write a note on the back? What did the note say?
21, you promised to blog everysingleday. I am sure these questions will be answered plus more fun facts about my life. I am sure that you already know some answers to these and it will be fun to see your response one day. Now to the fun part -- how do I imagine you?
Well, first -- the length of hair. Must be to shoulders by now. And there is a part of me with it slightly at my ears -- god, I love it. I am in love with short hair and I cannot believe it. Have you cut it? Is it at your shoulder? Please, no bangs with that type cut. I am sure you are well aware of my opinions; the only one that really matters. I do see you having about shoulder length. You are very polished, distinguished, clean. Your clothing is ironed, elegant and blue. Your style is experimental meets domestication. It's dark academia in blue. It is very unique and I am sure you are quite proud of the collection of clothes you have hanging in your wardrobe.
You have big headphones. They are marvelous and help you study; they are yours. And you love to study. It is relaxing. Townes is learning how to bang on the piano is a delicate method and it's wonderful to watch him develop and grow. When you arrive home, you have time for the family to all be together. It feels great being with them. Studying is a compartmentalized object of focus that is away from time in the home. Those hours are precious and you are committed to being present. You journal about the experience watching a child grow and all your thoughts around motherhood; it's in the moment now.
How is William? How is the little family you all built, how are the collective dreams coming? How is the decoration? What are some new furniture ideas you all have? What is something you have crafted for the home? How is that chest full of lingerie and leather journals coming? How is your vision board? Where are the paintings you and William made together hanging? How many more plants do you own?
What does the other side of thirty feel like? Would you say you are more introverted and quiet? Do you put on make-up everday? And do you have a morning and a night routine? How much can I even expect from you? -- well, we will see. I will for sure be responding to this post in a few years time. Tell me -- what does it feel like on the other side of our Saturn return?
What do you do for fun? What are some current hobbies? How often do you paint and what happened to all our tiny, creative adventures we once wanted? Do you drink coffee? And how many hours do you now sleep? What time do you wake up? Please tell me you have finally become a morning person; 5:00 AM is a beautiful time of day. Tell me how much you love it. Tell me what you do when you get up super early by accident.
How is the clinic going? How are clubs? How has chiropractic helped change and expand your life -- what are you learning now? I am filled with questions I'll have to grow into answering.
Journaling has become a place of refuge and relief in 20. I am thankful you have that tool in your life, now? Do you still journal? Do you schedule this into your daily routine? And is it very effective in helping you express yourself authentically? It seems as if it would help cultivate your voice into intelligible nuggets of wisdom gleaned and glistened over time. Do you go through about four journals per year? Or ten? Do you document each day like clockwork? Or do you dream? Or both? Routine has become a blessing in your life; how you made order out of the chaos is inspiring.
I would love to hear all about the things you said you would do and are now -- doing.
I cannot wait to hear from you,
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