I know it sucks when you are goal oriented but you are being too hard on yourself. last year wasn't a usual year for anyone and I'm sure many didn't make budget in their respective fields. By your standards, everyone that lost their jobs by the millions because of the pandemic and didn't reach their personal budget to keep a roof over their heads and food in their bellies should be disappointed in themselves. Should they do you think? If that answer is no, neither should you for a company, you have done your best and continue to do your best, that's all you can do. Covid threw a wrench in a lot of things. DON'T DISAPOINT YOURSELF WITH YOUR OWN EXPECTATIONS. If it doesn't affect your employment, best just make peace with it.