Alas, poor Yorick! I knew him, Horatio, a fellow of infinite jest, of most excellent fancy. He hath borne me on his back a thousand times, and now, how abhorred in my imagination it is! My gorge rises

My Dad is the absolute lamest ever. Sometimes he runs up to me and yells "mind meld"! source He knows how much I despise Star Trek. Sometimes I just wish he were dead.

I'm so hardcore even my hair care products are black. That is hella hardcore. source

Sorry. I should have waited to draw the heart until I had written your whole name. Now people think I mean someone else. source But I totally don't Reyven. I think it's really cool that you choose to spell

I'm not saying I'm really that into this girl. I just thought it would be cool to spend like 64 hours editing and putting this video together. Don't look into it too much.

I was the captain of the fencing team. A girl beat me on her first day. I'm going to quit. But what do I do with all of the equipment I already bought?

Some jerks out there are asking, "What would it be like if Kylo Ren were a girl?" I don't know. But I have a better question for them. What would it be like if you were dead?

I am so sick of all of the jokes. Fine I'll tell you why I was wearing those pants and no shirt. I was pretending I was going to Prom with this girl I like. Totally not Rey. A totally different girl for

Rey? Is that you? You're doing it wrong. Picture Typically when people play "guess who" they cover the other person's eyes.

Ha ha ha. Very funny. We all get it. I look ridiculous with no shirt on. Did you know you are making fun of someone with a super serious medical condition? The chiropractor my mom takes me to says I have

I am for serious now. It's one thing to make fun of someone on social media, but to bring an actual newspaper into it is not cool at all. I do not wear maternity pants. Now shut up.

One time after Starkiller base was destroyed, he made me use one of the toilets that was still connected. I hate him.

Ever since I found out that girl can spy on me, I don't like being naked anymore. I even have to take baths fully clothed. #ihaveastalker

Why yes Rey, I am very happy to see you. Why do you ask? source

I might become a piano playing lounge singer. I saw this guy Nick Ocean once and he was lit.

It is nice to have choices in life. My mom told me I was so handsome I could be a model. But my grandpa's crushed helmet told me I should be a Sith Lord. How do you not listen to a crushed helmet?

So now you know I am like super serious when I say this. Stop with all the topless pictures already. #kylorenchallenge is not funny. It's hurtful. Haven't I been through enough? I mean my dad just died

I don't care what they all say. My hair does not look like this guy's. Whoa!

John Mayer is encouraging people to mock me online with something called the #kylorenchallenge. First of all, that's not cool. That's cyber bullying. Second, I win. How would John Mayer like it if I reminded

When I was 9 years old I used to think it would be so cool if they made a Lego figure that looks like me. This is not what I had in mind. They gave me giant moobs!