I haven't posted for three days. Longest stretch, but with reason.
I always talk to all of you about how I view unconscious behavior, awareness and of course the present moment. I felt like the last week with new opportunities unfolding and simultaneously dealing with big desicions was a perfect beautiful disaster. It's really made me practice what I preach and so in return I feel like this almost indescribable urge to share what I felt and how messy, but lovely it truly was..and the freedom my soul yearned for, I just wasn't listening.
馃挅The rebirth of a different life journey
I think it's kind of sad, but necessary to suffer in this life because without it we wouldn't understand pleasure. We all suffer in some form, but never understand why-so conditioned to believe we are untouchable until it happens. The ego flares up, raising that fear, sadness, and anger which are all the same, and in an unclear or unconscious mind, you lose control. You can no longer control the you, the self. How many times already have you had a situation whether it was an ending of a relationship between lover or friend, some sort of loss, something you felt was taken from you? You feel hopeless and even start to question who you are. That is not you, but the mind doing what it can to blame someone.
Rambling? Yes I am, but there's a point.
Those who know me know how much I love and care about everyone. I believe every person perceieved as good or bad deserves love. However, you can love, but sometimes love needs to be given in a new way to an old relationship. Sometimes what seems to be in our mental projections as so ugly, so sad, heartbreaking, and unreal is just that, a perceived mental protection.
When I was outside meditating a few days ago, I felt this "okay-ness", no more worry, no anxiety and I wish I could point to exactly made that the moment for me to have that wonderful realization. I simply sat there and said, " I am a conscious being. Behind the physical form of myself, there is an aware observer and that is the I. So if I cannot control the pain bodies of sadness and regret, how am I being present? I'm not. I'm letting a life experience run my now." I don't lie, I think it's very unconscious so I can't lie and say waiting for ashes to turn back into a diamond doesn't make you want to run ramped screaming, but what for? What do you accomplish in that? Whatever will be, will be. Pure acceptance of what is even if your ego doesn't agree and your mind perceives it differently.
The end
We hate those words, especially when it comes and directly affect our lives. However, I've learned even if it doesn't happen immediately, the universe tends to let you suffer to make your soul more open to receive that beautiful and pure love. I've also learned that building walls because of what a certain life situation made me do nothing but block out the genuine selfless love. The end always sounds sad to most, but now I look at it as just a word that means an unlocked door to another life experience. Don't be scared. Endure the pain, savor the pleasure, and love what is happening now no matter what you think should be. There's a sense of this is just an event, it'll be okay. This is what should be and acceptance will light that path of love and happiness. Don't let your mind tell you otherwise. Remember you are NOT the mind. You are the observer, the witness of the self. You're merely enjoying the ride. It's just a ride.
馃挒I genuinely care and think you're all beautiful in your own ways. Remember you are that love and light that runs this universe. Smile, love, care, and as always you wonderful beings of light, shine on! 馃挒
馃挅Keep positive and smile beautiful. I love you all!
Love always,
Kristan