I get overwhelmed easily. By now, it's no secret that I have anxiety and depression. I'm actively working on it by reading the book "When Panic Attacks". Regardless, I hate, hate, hate talking about my job with virtually anyone. I currently work in retirement and insurance. The notion of helping people grow their money is exciting to me and nothing beats the thrill and joy of actually helping someone get something they need. I absolutely love that aspect of the job. What I don't love is finding business.
I don't love trying to talk to thirty people, only to have between one and five of them schedule and appointment with me, and maybe signing one client. Even worse, I might only make $450 on the one transaction I do in a week. In other words, it's not paying the bills.
The potential is huge, to say the least. I know some who do $20,000 in business in a month, and some who make $300,000 per year in new business and residuals. Then there's me, who might be lucky to crack $25,000 this year, if I stick with it.
The problem is fear, anxiety, and doubt. That, and the unknown. So I'm stuck in choosing between selling my time away at a full-time, regular position, or living with the intense anxiety and depression that have gripped me since beginning this line of work. I recognize that the best way to get rid of anxiety is to expose yourself to whatever it is you're afraid of. But I don't think anything is going to get rid of the anxiety that comes from the threat of not being able to provide for one's family.
I would hate to see this business take off without me. I would. But I also hate the idea of not feeling like I can take a day off because it could be the difference between putting food on the table and not putting food on the table. I hate the idea of being rejected time and time again, just to see a drop in the bucket.
My original plan was to stick it out until Christmas. I then bumped that back to Thanksgiving. Now I'm thinking no further than this month. In fact, I've already started applying to and being rejected from jobs. Of course, everyone has an opinion. Many think I should try and stick it out, and many think I should get a regular job. Some offer tough love, others offer kindness and a wish for peace. I wish for riches and an early retirement. I also wish to be comfortable while doing it.
I want this life where I can take my family on trips at least once per year. Decently big trips, too. But I also want to retire at or before age 55, which is some time away. At a $60,000 salary, I might be able to barely make ends meet around here. The only debt my family carries is the house.
What I really need is a plan, a mentor, and a counselor. I'd like nothing more than to be able to go to sleep for two weeks and wake up with the answer. Until then, I worry about health insurance, life insurance, and a steady income.
I'd also like to know when it is I'm supposed to quit versus when I should stick it out.