I'm sorry for not updating this story on time, been quite busy. I hope i'm pardoned.
His mum invited Johann and I over. I was very nervous because Johann was taking me very serious. I mean, his mother?! She asked us to spend a night, she wanted to get to know me better, apparently, she had never known her son to be serious with ladies. He always had flings.
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I managed to please the woman somehow. I know how protective mothers can be with their sons and she seemed happy with me. She complimented me and treated me well. Johann was happy and kept pinching me under the table while we had lunch and dinner. He was not keeping his hands off me. I think once his mother noticed and cleared her throat and i couldn't help but laugh. That didn't stop him, he now began to look for my trouble in a different way. He would stare at me and step on my foot.
"OUCH! Johann!!" i screamed and he laughed.
"you shout like a baby" he managed to say amidst laughter.
"Christ, do you guys always act like this?" Johann's mother shook her head and smiled, then she got up to leave.
I lay down on the bed, chatting with my friends when he came behind and bounced on the bed real hard. I gave him a stern look and he smiled, showing me all his teeth. I couldn't keep up the stern look anymore. He was cute and he had this really cute eyes that i would fall for in the next life.
"Juliet, i love you so much" he said looking into my eyes. I couldn't hold it anymore. He said that with so much sincerity that pricked my conscience. Why did i find love like this? Why did I have to keep something from him? something that could separate us?
"Juliet do you love me too?" i was going to break.
"I love you too Johann" I began to tear up. I held his hand and rubbed slightly. "forgive me" i whispered. His look changed from sweet and soft to confused. He held my hand tight. "forgive you for? you've done nothing wrong now?" he cleaned my tears that dropped heavily now. He grinned.
"BABE, Stop now, kai! I hate it when you cry. okay, okay, next time i won't ask if you love me too. My love cover us both." he hugged me so dear. I couldn't take it anymore, my conscience. Right there, i bursted.
I managed to push him away and got up. I moved to where my things were and began to pack all my belongings in.
"Juliet?" he got up, wrapped his hands around me from behind as i cried, packing my things. "what did i do wrong? why are you acting like this?" I cleaned my face and faced him.
"i can't love you like this Johann. I'm.....i'm not fit for you. I can't live like this anymore. I've been lying and hiding so much. I don't want to hurt you. Please Johann, let me go."
Johann looked at me, puzzled and i could feel him breaking. Thing was, he was born out of wedlock, almost aborted but his mother decided to bare him at 18. He lived with his dad, calling him uncle because he didn't know the man he called uncle, was his real father. The man seemed to be ashamed of him. He grew up living with relatives, receiving no proper care, growing up not to trust people, emotional and psychologically scarred, maltreated. His relationships with women were only based on sex. He never really loved any of them, except me. He opened up to me about his past and asked me about my past relationships. The only thing i couldn't tell him was what happened between Zack and I. Johann was a very delicate person and i knew if i spilled what happened, he'd probably hate me.
I tried to hide it. From the beginning, i thought He was just going to use me. I didn't know his intentions and love was true. This was what i had been looking for, longed for and now.......
"Juliet, talk to me. What's happening?"
"Zack and I had.......i'm sorry i should have told you from the beginning. He took advantage of me....i couldn't stop him. I didn't know what to do, i didn't know who to tell. He used me and pushed me to you" i sobbed.
"I wanted to tell you, i just thought you were out to use me too."
Johann just stared at me. I was unable to read his thoughts...........silence.
"He raped you? " I nodded, tears falling from my eyes.
"Did you want to do it? Did you?!" he sounded desperate.
"No, i didn't....i begged him to stop. i did..."
Johann turned away, rubbing both hands hard on his head. I remained where i was. He didn't look like he was going to handle it well. What was i expecting?
"why didn't you tell me? I asked you if anything of such had ever happened. You told me about your step brother, is that even true? "
"Johann! I didn't lie about that. It really happened!"
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"Then why didn't you tell me about this?!" he stormed
I was losing Johann.
"why didn't you tell me? Why didn't you trust me? Why did you lie to me?" his voice was coarse, unlike the Johann i Knew.
"WHAT WAS I SUPPOSED TO DO?!" i sobbed. "what am i even doing trying to make you understand. I'm the bad person here now. I'm the hurt one here!! but then, He's your best friend."
"Look Juliet," he turned to face me.
"i'm sorry"I managed to say, cutting him short. I thought he loved me.
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It dawned on me that he thought i did it willingly and tried covering it up with a lie. He probably didn't trust me either. Used girls never really have a chance to be understood. Now i looked like a liar. I wasn't going to fight a lost battle. I zipped my bag amidst tears. He watched as I dragged my bags out out the room, out of the house and out of his life.