On a Sunday afternoon after lunch, my dad and I were having a usual gist like we always do and something trivial came up. We argued about it for a while, nobody won but it kept pinching me because my emotions and marital life would be at stake.
He told us a story about how a well-known pastor had several affairs with other women aside his wife, and how his wife came to know during his burial. She never knew about it until the day he was buried. A man of God! I shook my head and expressed my disappointment. My dad laughed. I asked why and he said “MEN ARE NATURALLY POLYGAMOUS” I felt betrayed that he was somehow supporting marital infidelity and using that as an excuse to cheat, or for men cheating generally.
I grew up to meet four elder brothers that I had, but not from my mother. Mind you, my dad has just one wife and that’s my mother. I am the first child. Maybe my dad was a player; it’s really not my business because I’m not the one paying for his past sins, lol. But what aches me is, a woman who has two or more children before marriage is considered “bend down select”. I told my dad I couldn’t marry a man who has another child outside and he was like “why”? He said my mother was even lucky that he told her about his sons. Some men would keep that secret the rest of their lives. He again buttressed the point that it is normal for a man to test his “skills” and if in the process he impregnates a woman, it’s okay. I got offended. If I decide to test my skills and get pregnant, I will be tagged “loose” or even useless. I am supposed to keep my virginity for a man who’s testing his skills, and probably doesn’t even know the worth of virginity? Most men don’t even want virgins. I did my little research.
When my elder cousin found out her husband was cheating, she threatened to leave the man. She was hurt and disappointed because she satisfied all his primal needs. Why did he need to go outside? Of course his mother begged her to stay saying “that’s how men are. They are never satisfied with one woman” The truth is, my cousin would be at the losing side whether she remained or stayed because if she had left, people would say “she didn’t know how to keep her man” or “she’s a lousy wife” when really, she was being her best. If she had stayed, she’d live the rest of her life remembering what he did and that she can do nothing about it. He might still be frolicking with other girls.
After a while, she decided to let it go, but this man at her office kept coming for her. Lol. Her husband, his mother and even her own family were mad at her. She hadn’t slept with the man or anything but she was judged for having a man after her. It’s only allowed for men to frolick around, but not the woman. In some churches, they don’t let woman seat in front because of the fear of “seducing the pastor”. Aren’t men of God supposed to be able to control themselves whether a woman is in front or not? My dad said that it was written in the bible that only Men of God, bishops, prophets were instructed to have one wife and that there is not particular chapter or verse that says a man is not allowed to have more than one wife or concubine or even side chicks. I stared at him in awe. He gave an example on animals. He said;
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“There is no male animal (exception of doves and pigeons and other rare birds that keep only one partner till death) that keeps or mates with only one woman. Look at cocks, look at lions, look at lizards and so on. Males were genetically formed to be polygamous” he finished. But one question remains. Why then marriage? What’s the need of tying one woman that you’d never be faithful to, down? Limit her life, choices and dreams because she wants to make a man happy. A man she cannot keep to herself alone. I know a lot of women who gave out their virginity to the man they married and have never looked at another man; some people will say women are supposed to be able to control themselves and be strong. But the male sex is considered the stronger sex.
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I always ask what men want. I found the answer and I’ve concluded its sex. A man will say he wants a woman who supports him, loves him for him and understands him. We do more than that most times and still find them eyeing other women. Maybe they do not even know what they want.i once had a boyfriend in secondary school who could never make a choice between me and this other girl who was my friend. Maybe it was because she was curvier. Life is never fair.
Are men really polygamous in nature or is it an excuse for them to go about? Does God really give credit to men being polygamous? Is it fair that a man be allowed to cheat while a woman be insulted for doing the same? Is virginity overrated? This is not about gender inequality or feminism. This is about future of “MARRIAGE”. Now, I’m training myself to get ready to fight to keep a man who’ll not be faithful. I have to learn to accept that MEN ARE POLYGAMOUS AND THERE IS NOTHING I CAN DO ABOUT IT. I am going to cry in pain, fight a battle I cannot win and try to be strong when I am not. Sure, sex is physical, but not all women see it that way. It’s some kind of bond that we hold on to.
Africa, the appraisal of a man is how effectively he uses his masculine power, but the worth of a woman is based on how many men she has slept with.
Please, what are your views on this issue? I hope to write about your comments. Thank you.
