I recently got diagnosed with autism. I join the ranks of several other people who were diagnosed with borderline personality disorder incorrectly. Whilst I have never been keen on labels I had always felt this one wasn’t the right fit and that being aspie was. However who was I to dare identify myself as aspie. After all I wasn’t diagnosed. And yet, the relief of the diagnosis which I desired was for my own piece of mind. I simply wanted to be able to have better access to mental health care and to hopefully stop being so hard on myself.
One observation is that I haven’t considered suicide lately. It was a constant daily thought that I couldn’t seem to shake. Yet the diagnosis gave me the strength to fight back and say no I’m not worthless, I’m autistic and that’s something.
Yet I’m left with trying to balance a fine line of self harm, not drinking alcohol, not overdosing on medication I have easy access to and trying to ask for help. So I set limits. My right leg hurts now after the beating I gave it and I know that I shouldn’t revel in the pain emanating from it but it’s a pain I understand and considering how little I do understand...
and my core support. I really do think I may be to much and that they will walk away. After all so many have before. That pain, that one will hurt long after the cut was made.
For now though, I ;.
