In one of my latest blog posts "Take your biggest fear and place yourself there" I shared about the fears and stress that have been coming up slowly but surely for me since I have started my business not too long ago and how that fear then affected me in how I express myself, how I interact with my reality and consequently also who and how I am in my business.
In this post I am sharing a continuation of this because of a question I recently started asking myself. This question being "do I even enjoy myself?". I was watching myself creating promotions, finding ways to reach people, engaging with people on social media and taking all these steps to hopefully attract clients and grow my business and I realized that I was doing all of it from a starting point of stress, worry, fear and despair - a starting point of survival, of worrying that my business might fail, that I won't get enough clients in time, etc.
In that moment I halted inside myself and considered that if I am living from the starting point of fear and essentially making my entire experience within and of what I am busy doing a horrible one, then am I even really living? I mean within the fear I am convincing myself that I am just trying to secure my life and living, thus justifying the fear itself, but really at the end of the day I am not even enjoying any of what I am doing and so I am not truly living.
When I talk to people I am not really enjoying the discussion, enjoying getting to know someone and expanding myself through interacting with them. When I make a vlog or write a blog, I am not really enjoying the process of writing, of opening points up for myself as I write or speak about them. All because there is this "hidden motive" behind my actions and expression, the hidden motive being fear.
What I also realized is that if I allow this fear to decide who I am in my expression and experience in this world to that extent, then what example am I actually living? As a Quantum Change Kinesiologist I am supposed to assist and support others to change and live their utmost potential lol so what the hell am I doing diminishing mine and allowing fear to have this power over who I am?!
I understood that it is my responsibility towards myself, as well as others as other versions of me so to speak, to live in a way that is best, which in this case means to live and embody the word "Enjoyment". It is my commitment to challenge and push myself to, when I find myself going into that rigid state of fear, stress and tension, look at how I can make the moment about enjoying me, enjoying the moment and finding, experiencing and expressing enjoyment in the expression of myself and my reality.
Thanks for reading.
Kim Amourette
