Listening is an act, and it is in levels. I used to think I was an active listener, I knew I was very good at listening to friends, I also knew I was a good listener at my work place, but for some reasons I had issues listening in my relationship. At first I thought the issue was my partner and when we tried to talk about it I would always try to point out her mistakes. Later on I discovered that the issue had even more to do with me as it had to do with her and when I understood this I started trying to listen to not just what she said or how she said it, but the point and place she is coming from. For example, when she says “you don’t love me” It is easy to just hear the words and become defensive and even get hurt by the statement. I mean I could have probably just gotten her something really expensive and she is saying I do not love her. Technically speaking she shouldn’t be saying such, but when you consider who you are talking to, you just know that she is just asking for reassurance.
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The act of listening varies depending on who the person you are communicating with is. There are those you listen to logically, there are those you listen to intellectually, there are those you listen to spiritually and there are those you listen to emotionally. For you to call yourself a good listener you must be able to discern where the speaker is trying to communicate from. You can not listen logically to your wife or girlfriend unless you do not want peace. People communicate with you from the point they wish you to understand from this is why the first step I take in trying to listen to a person is to ask questions on how I understand what they are saying. If I am trying to be logical and I am getting a NO to all my questions, then I know this person isn't trying to be logical with me. I then ask more intellectual questions and if I still get more NOs, I know we are still not on the same page.
Another good example is how I used to get tired when my partner complained about a lot of things. Logically I felt she complained too much, but emotionally she was only trying to build a connection with me and spend quality time. When I understood this, I did not wait for her to complain, I started asking her about her day and telling her about mine and that was how complaining stopped. I believe the act of listening is a learning process on different levels and you can not perfectly say you are a good listener at all until you are sure you know how to switch from being logical to being intellectual or emotional without any issue. No matter how intelligent you are there are points where you just drop those intellects and truly listen else you would be intellectually right and emotionally or logically wrong.
THIS IS MY RESPONSE TO HIVE LEARNER'S
PROMPT FOR WEEK 198 EPISODE 1
