I sometimes feel miserable especially when things begin to look messy as they are now. Although not out of control, things are still messy around me and I do not like it. It isn’t about the money anymore, and it has more to do with my mental health and overall well being. I am currently in conflict with my family because we have different views on what life is. They feel I am not successful enough and I’m overdue to have achieved some things. They question my spending habits and feel something or someone somewhere is eating the little I earn because I no longer send money as I used to.
They have labelled me a failure and even though I act unbothered, the fact that it is coming from them has left me broken hearted and it’s coming in a time I am having a bit of an issue with my landlord because I am due a month. Although it was all due to miscalculations, my sister decided to go seek help from them, making their view of me falter even more. Like I said this isn’t about money, but more about my pride and the fact that I have no one to discuss it with. That isn’t my partner who would be sentimental about it and moreover we can’t even talk at the moment because if we could, she would have already known. However the more I am on my own the more I am trying to find myself.
It’s clear to me now that I need to heal emotionally. My emotions are very unstable and I need someone whose emotions are stable to connect with on an emotional level and not logically. But yeah I have got to man all these up too and make sure they do not affect my work and self improvement. I really want my life to change this year, and although it is just January, I am wondering how I can remain consistent with unstable emotions. I need my emotions to be stable so I can be disciplined enough to make my dreams come through. Perhaps I am still working the process, and it is all part of it, I just hope it doesn’t get even more messy. All I want right now is to be able to be at peace with myself knowing I am following the right path and trusting I will get to my intended destination.
