I've written about it a few times here and here. Depression sucks. The biggest problem I'm having with it is finding a job. I have days where all I want to do is browse the internet looking for jobs, and then i have days where all i want to do is NOTHING. I sit here and I think and think about how to make life better, easier, more fulfilled. I have days where I think everything is going to be ok... and I have days where it seems that no matter what I do, think, or say, that things are never going to get better. I go through different scenarios in my head about what if this...and what if that. Waht if? But WHAT IF I'm missing life because I keep thinking about things that happened in the past? I work tirelessly damn near every day, not at a job, but to live, to live without the stress of this mental disability. Some people don't know what it's like and I don't feel bad for those people at all, its debilitating. It makes everything seem like a struggle. I've, among other things, struggled with getting out of bed, taking showers, walking outside...yes walking the hell outside. It seems like the world and my life is just passing me by, and I hate it...I'm stuck in this cycle of "what if"... a day or 2 will go by that i feel ok, seem fine, but almost NEVER, do those thoughts go away, and some days they just almost paralyze me...I get scared to do things, maybe that's a big thing with the job effort, scared of new people, scared of new problems, and scared of more stress. I just want it to go away, but how?
I dont know the answer to the question. I have tried different things...keeping my mind busy, studying stuff on the Internet that I know nothing about (including crypto). I've tried hanging out with friends (the ones I have left), I've tried being alone, and I've fucking tried to get a job, its so disheartening when you get rejected, or just never get any response from potential employers. So, I will continue to fight these demons called depression and anxiety, because I'm not a quitter. 😊😊
I'm still working in that meditation 
Any suggestions would be helpful...
Thanks for reading and have a wonderful day.
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