18 Year old me leaving for Taiwan
Hey everybody! (: Sorry I haven't posted in a bit, I mentioned in my intro (and I sincerely mean it) I struggle very much with social anxiety and it's difficult for me to feel like I have something worthy of posting unless it's really big (i.e. finished song, artwork for song, etc.). I've been working really hard on new music, and am happy to say it's finally about done (mostly I just have to shoot the video for it, and then it will be ready for posting).
If you happened to read my intro, you may remember I had mentioned living in Taiwan, and while it was a dream come true for me, it also ended up being a very bittersweet experience due to my struggles with mental health (mainly depression, anxiety, and a near fatal eating disorder). I still think so often about the people there, the culture, and my experiences. I also feel a lot of guilt and regret for having been in the mental/physical condition I was in while there; I missed out on really being able to fully enjoy the people and country itself, and more than that, I feel so very bad that I let the wonderful, loving Taiwanese people down that went above and beyond to show me warmth and acceptance even when they couldn't fully understand what I was going through.
I realize I didn't choose to have the mental health problems I had that extended to physical problems as well, and it's crazy because if anyone else I met was going through what I went through, I would absolutely never think less of them and would see who they were underneath the battles they were facing.....yet I still oftentimes struggle with that same acceptance and grace for myself.
All this to say, I've been wanting to write a song about this for a very long time. I wanted it to be a song not just as a healing experience for myself, but really more for the amazing country and the people there who forever touched my heart and I could never forget. I wanted to be able to apologize specifically to all the wonderful people I met for not being the person I felt they deserved. I wanted to be able to explain even a little how I'm much better now and I've never stopped thinking about them or my time there or missing them and their culture....That they changed me for the better and I hope that maybe now I can at least express my admiration a little better.
I didn't want to write 'just any song' for my friends and family in Taiwan because I believe them too special of people and their country too special a place for that. They deserved a masterpiece, and so bearing through a lot of buried emotion (which admittedly had me in tears repeatedly this past week), I am very happy to say I've finally made a moving piece of musical art worthy of them and the experiences they gave me.
I've included some close up photos of mementos from my time in Taiwan that will be featured in my upcoming song and video so that anyone who would like a closer look can feel free to see each piece better :) . I have my high school diploma from Beigang National High which is where I attended school there my senior year as well as a certificate from Rotary (the exchange program I was part of). I also have a picture from mountain climbing with my teachers, a picture of all my classmates from part of the year (I was in two different classes/sections of the school throughout the exchange), a medal from my high school there, and lots of very meaningful cards written to me from classmates. The Taiwanese clothing I have is also deeply sentimental as it came from my host family before I went back home, and all of the little key chains and post cards also came from fellow classmates. There's a couple fun mementos too, like extra money I held onto as a keepsake and a cake made from fancy towels (a special place I went to in Taiwan where it's all food/dessert items made of decoratively folded towels).
I hope you enjoy seeing some of these very dear relics from Taiwan and the amazing people I met there as I also hope you will enjoy the new song, too:). I'm very excited about it as nervous as I am when I write very sensitive, deeply personal songs such as this one.
Thanks so much again Hive family! :) Talk to you soon
