Image by susan-lu4esm from Pixabay.com
Mhirfa: *her head on his arm, looking at him longingly*
“Do ya remember the night, I… left ya in bed?”
Mat: *thinks, one memory comes to mind that has enough impact to be recollected*
“Yeah. I think I remember that… I have a good memory after all.”
Mhirfa: *trembling a bit*
*a tear rolled down her eyes and fell on his arm*
“I… tried to kill ma’self that night,”
Mat: *shock, furious… in a whirlpool of emotions*
“Wh… why the hell would you do that!?”
Mhirfa: *stuttering*
*she can barely open her mouth to say anything, while holding her tears at bay*
“...be..cause, ya… fell in love with her,”
Mat: *his emotional maelstrom suddenly died down, like being in the eye of the storm*
Mhirfa: *her tears roll down like waterfalls*
*her emotions bursting from the seams*
“I… wanted ya to be free,”
Mat: ‘It is not what I want,’
*a hurricane of thoughts ran rampant on his head*
Mhirfa: “I tried to act normal, and just ignore everythin’ but… It just hurt so much.”
Mat: *silent*
Mhirfa: “…if only I could feel nothin’,”
Mat: ‘I’ll end up sleeping with either a doll or a corpse... if you did that’
Mhirfa: “…I know am just a burden, and am just holding ya back…”
*pauses*
“When am gone everythin’ will be fine.”
Mat: *finally opened his lips, but the words just won’t come out as he wants it to*
“It won’t…”
‘...It will never be.’
Mhirfa: “I don’t know why ya’re still here, maybe out of pity.. or do ya still love me?”
Mat: *his heart shrank as he looked at her*
*he put his hand on her cheeks, wiping a tear with his thumb*
“It’s a want… being here is what I want,”
Mhirfa: “I don’t understand…”
*frustration apparent on her face*
Mat: *smiled weakly*
“I loved and pitied a lot of people… but I left them all behind… cause… it is not what I want.”
Mhirfa: *frustrated*
“Do… do you still love me?”
Mat: *held her close*
“Your hand, your lips, your body, your anxiety, fear, jealousy, anger… EVERYTHING,”
“...I want all of it.”
“That is what I want, this — is what, I want... love and pity can take a hike for all I care.”
Mhirfa: *pouts*
Mat: *exhaled sharply*
“I am just really scared…”
*held her tighter*
Mhirfa: “Of what?”
Mat: “You…”
Mhirfa: *long pause*
“I am the one dying… why are you the one being scared?”
( diagnosed with cancer at the age of 27, was told with good medication and regular check-up she still live happily for 10 years approximately… she didn’t have good medication and regular check up for 3 years, but that story is for another time )
Mat: “I am the one who is going to be left behind, in this empty room… and the kids.”
*his voice raise enough to get his point across*
Mhirfa: *tears started to roll again*
Mat: “When I found someone good enough and I thought…"
*trying to get his thoughts together*
“...I am just not enough for the kids, I don’t know if I could live through the grief…”
*pauses*
“I just want someone I can trust to be there when I am not myself anymore and not get pick-up by some random stranger… and then everything just goes in flames.”
*exhaled heavily*
“...the kids deserve better.”
( they have a 10 year old boy and a 3 year old girl )
Mhirfa: *put her hand on his face then wipe away his tears*
“Ya’re more than enough,”
Mat: *discomposed*
“I can’t stop working, I’ll be gone for months… and I got no one to trust…I…”
*looks at her*
“...I… don’t even really know anymore… I am just scared.”
Mhirfa: *smiled*
*move closer to his face*
“You know, I want to see the kids grow up… be part of everything…”
“I want to take care of you when your grey and old—”
Mat: *cuts her speech short*
“You don’t have to.. just take care of yourself,”
Mhirfa: “I’ll live to see the day our kids live their own lives.”
Mat: “That’s… like fifteen years from now,”
Mhirfa: “I will…”
Mat: “…then that is all I ask of you…”
*kisses her on the forehead*
*whispered on her ear*
“I will be with you till the bitter end,”
Mhirfa: *smiles*
“Do you think… other couples, talk to each other like this?”
Mat: *scoffs*
“I seriously don’t care…”
Mhirfa: *looks at him bright eyed*
*kissed him*
Notes:
He eventually fell asleep like that for 13 years ( in time of writing ) and counting.
Legend:
Character, “Spoken word”, ‘Unspoken word, action, ( comment/side note )
* * * time or scenario * * *
