Friend, I love the story... it is there and it has a flow...

If may I suggest, divide the scenes into paragraphs or group ideas together then separate them... it will make it a bit easier to reconstruct or deconstruct when proofreading and may help the reader to get from one scene to another.

also, the contain the speeches " ", I do know who is talking, as I like reading more than writing... but it may get confusing to others. ( and I like reading your crime story, I seriously think it can be expanded to something more awesome )

I like how you stop me from continuously reading by using "," or "." it sends the idea in my head completely.

I am really sorry this is the best I can offer (I hope you find it useful). The rest, you can find in the ink wells catalogue.

I seriously hope I get to read another story from you... friend you are free to tag me, whenever you write one.. and I will come.

Thank you very much.. it was a great story!