There is a small coffee shop near the road where I sometimes go in the morning. Not because the coffee is the best in the city. Honestly, it is just normal coffee. But there is something quiet there.
One morning I saw an old man sitting alone. He come very early, even before the sun fully rise. He always sit in the same chair. He order black coffee, no sugar. I notice that because I cannot drink coffee without sugar. For me it is too bitter.
He hold the cup with both hands, like he holding something important. Then he look at the steam for long time. Not using phone. Not talking. Just looking.
The shop owner tell me, “He always say the same thing every morning. He say the coffee today is different.”
I feel strange about that. The beans same. The kettle same. Even the cup same. So what is different?
That morning I was not in good condition. I just lost my job few days before. My head full of noise. Too many questions. Too many fear. I order coffee with sugar, but still it taste bitter. Maybe because my mood already bitter first.
I don’t know why, but I suddenly ask him.
“Sir, do you really think coffee is different every day?”
He look at me, not surprised. Just calm.
“Yes,” he say. “It is different.”
“But how? Everything is same.”
He smile a little. Not big smile. Just small one.
“Because I am not same.”
At first I don’t really understand. It sound simple, but also confusing.
He continue talking slowly. “When I was younger, I drink coffee to stay awake. When I become busy with work, I drink coffee because stress. Now I drink coffee to sit quietly. The coffee maybe same. But my heart is different.”
I look at my cup. I realize I drink it very fast before. Like I want to finish it quickly. Like I am fighting with it.
“Sometimes,” he say again, “coffee is not too bitter. Maybe our mind is the one that already bitter.”
That sentence hit me a little. Not like big motivation quote. Just simple sentence. But it stay in my head.
He also say something about timing. If you drink too fast, you burn your tongue. If you wait too long, it become cold and lose the smell. He say many problems in life happen because we rush, or because we wait too much. I think about my own decisions. Some I rush. Some I delay because afraid.
I cannot say I suddenly become wise after that talk. No. My problem still there. I still jobless that time. My fear still exist.
But when I drink my coffee again, I try slower. I don’t try to change the taste. I just let it be bitter.
And strangely, it feel different.
Not sweet. Still bitter. But not angry bitter.
Before he leave, I ask him one more time.
“So the coffee today really different?”
He stand up slowly and say, “Maybe not. Maybe it is just me who changing little by little.”
After he go, I sit there alone. The shop already noisy. Motorcycle sound, people laughing, spoon hitting glass. Life continue like usual.
I look at the last sip in my cup.
Maybe life is not about making everything sweet. Maybe it is about learning how to drink what is already in front of us.
I’m not fully understand it even now.
But since that day, sometimes when my coffee taste different, I don’t blame the coffee first.
Sometimes I ask myself,
“What inside me today?”
And to be honest, sometimes I still complain. Sometimes I still feel life is unfair and too hard for me. I am not strong person all the time. But at least now, when things feel too bitter, I remember that old man and I try to sit little bit longer with my feeling, not running away immediately.
my personal documentation
Maybe I still learning. Maybe I will always learning. Like drinking coffee without sugar, at first it feel impossible, but slowly you get used to it. Not because it become sweet, but because you become stronger to accept the real taste
