We sometimes want permission or mere approval, we want to be told, "oh, go ahead", "you can do it", "you are right". We want our choices justified and wrapped in approval before we dare to move.
Lately, I have been looking hard at my own nature. At the moments I freeze, I see a path I could take a path, a word I could say, a chance I could seize.. but my feet won't move. Why?, because I'm waiting for a sign, for someone to nod and say "yes that's the way
I feared criticism, I lack a certain kind of boldness. I'm terrified of a decision that could backfire and blow in my face and leaving me standing in the wreckage of my own choosing. I fail to look at the opposite outcome, which could be good. Just the other day, I caught myself in a spiral of " if only". If only I had spoken up, if only I had taken that opportunity. But to err is human, who am I to defy that ?. I carry some regrets, yes but I'm learning to carry it lightly. To accept it as proof I'm trying. Well, other decisions I'm glad I made, you know it's not always about the negatives 馃槀.
This boat isn't mine alone, and I'm not in it alone. This isn't just my hesitation, my private fear. Many other more are rowing in the same waters, clutching the same oars, staring at horizons we are almost afraid to reach for. Some are facing currents stronger than mine, taller waves and fiercer winds. My problem might just be one version of another's.
Maybe the bravest thing we can do is to act without the justification. To make a move, even when no one is there to say, "Go". To accept that a choice might backfire, make it anyways and know the risk was worth it. To understand that regret might come, but so will growth. And most importantly realize that in this shared, fragile boat of being human, the most honest compass we have is our own quiet, unjustified and courageous heart.
It's better to know the outcome than to leave in regret of not taking a bold step.
This should even be scarier than being unable to make a move simply because it might cast 馃槀. Because then you would live your whole life wondering if would have worked out.
Thanks for stopping by.
