Two years on Hive - Or what more should I write about?
At the beginning, it took me over two months from wanting to write my first post to publishing it. With many started phrases and deleted documents in between.
Who is going to read this? What are they going to think? Will they judge? Can this be misinterpreted?
Eventually I probably remembered my goal and managed to gather enough “I don’t care what people think”.
My goal?
If school teaches, but I won’t set my foot in one, why can’t I teach myself instead?
Blessed or cursed with many ideas and the urge to create with my hands I couldn’t and still can’t spend two weeks without “making” something. Since four years “the making” is sewing, designing and reconstructing fashion.
After a two years phase of learning, getting into, trying, re-trying and shifting my focus I now felt it was at the time to learn more. Confident enough with my sewing skills I wanted to leave them evolving by them selves, by practice. What I wanted to learn now was to express my ideas visually and in words.
I wanted to photograph the process and the results of my makings and write about it.
I hated both. The photos never seemed to match reality nor even my imagination and visions. And my words felt like tangled thoughts only comprehensible to myself.
But then I got into it. Slowly.
Another two years of learning passed. Learning to write document and express.
My thoughts might still be confusing sometimes, my words might still be misunderstood. But how is that in my control, other than to improve by practice?
Most importantly I love what I am doing. I love writing I love taking photos, and I love sewing and redesigning fashion. Maybe not everyday and always, but even then I have to come to appreciate the discipline I build up. Posting 87 articles in one year. Rarely missing a #needleworkmonday post, all while I had more than enough excuses to do so.
Eventually I started to share some of the second big project of my live; expeditions.
Again it started as a timid move. Putting down a few words, trying to explain and tell how I felt and what I experienced rolling around France on a bike, sleeping in a tent. Doubt was there again. Shouldn’t I keep it Fashion? Rather than spread into different things? Did people who read my posts for the sewing wanted to hear about my cycling adventure? Was this getting too personal?
But then I did it anyway, soon followed by some encouragement which I am more than grateful for.
Another time I discovered a way to write and tell stories, that I enjoyed. Excited to go through all the physical effort I lived again, grasping it in words and sending it out there, became a routine I appreciated as much as the encouraging reactions I got.
I was now down to two posts a week. One about fashion and one about a cycling expedition.
Fashion is still around, but the expedition changed. I am no longer cycling.
Twice a week about Fashion? But I enjoyed the contrast.
Slow life? Which part about the upcoming expedition do I want to share, document, write about? Or do I? What might the people reading think?
Looks like I am at the beginning of another new phase here. I don’t know yet what I’ll write about, what I’ll enjoy sharing and putting into words. But I might just learn from the past times and simply figure it out by trying rather than planing and worrying about what might or might not happen if I do or don’t do.
I’ll be around to figure it out anyways, sooner or later.
Many thanks to all of you who are around too! I appreciate every encouragement, reply and support of yours and even just the fact that you read my words:) Thank you!
All photos and words are my own taken and written by myself ©kesityu.
