Today is Monday - August 13th 2018, and in a month I am going to Virginia to see a lot of my family that I haven't seen in years. Some I am excited to see, others not so much. But in all honesty; while I may be excited to see some I am still anxious to see all of them. If you've read any of my past Blogs, you probably understand why.
I am going to Virginia because my eldest brother, Kris, is getting married. Congrats Bro. You see my brother is much sweeter than I am, and what I mean by that is he tries to stay connected to family, me, not so much. The sad truth about my family is a lot of them only like to include me when its convenient to them. Then they act confused and upset that I don't talk to them or ignore them. So I just don't bother. I'm the black sheep.
I quit caring when Facebook was the only way of learning anything going on there. Such as deaths, marriages, births, etc. So thank you Facebook for being better family than my actual family. I may sound annoyed or angry and it's because deep down I will always be angry - but I learn to accept and try to move on. But - it gets hard to move on when I have to face the issue head on. Which next month, I'm going to have to.
I'm going to be in a room with people who made me feel unwelcome, and I have to try to be pleasant. I am going to see my father for the first time in 11 years. Same for my grandmother, grandfather, and other relatives. I haven't seen them or really even talked to them in 10 + years. So you can probably imagine how uncomfortable and awkward this is going to be. The thing is, it wouldn't be as bad if they realized they aren't perfect. If they would admit some fault, but they can't or won't. So I have to sit there and grit my teeth and be kind to people who weren't so kind to me. Ironic, right?
You may be wondering, why do you have to be pleasant? Well - my brother gets one day to have everything go his way and marry the girl he loves and I won't be the martyr that messes that up. Unless provoked. The way I see it though, it has been 10 years and we don't talk - so why talk at the wedding? I plan on keeping my distance and being as civil as I can be. Without straining muscles. That is my wedding present for you Kris. Which I know you will love and cherish, because you have told me so.
Now, while I am not so excited to see my fathers side of my family, I am excited to see my mothers. I love my mothers father, and in many ways he has taken the roll of my father not just my grandfather. He is wise and caring, and has always been on my side. Which meant everything to me when I was younger because it felt like everyone was against me. My grandmother and I are finally now starting to get close and bond, so I am excited to continue to build that bond. As for my mom, I am excited to see her, but we haven't spent any time together since we have been finally getting along, so I am nervous to see how that goes although I am hopeful it will be good.
So yes, there is some bad, but there is also some good, so it could really go both ways. All I know is this, I'm going to have to cover up the tied up - naked woman - on my arm because no one there will appreciate it. And like a child, I am going to have to be on my best behavior so everything goes as planned and I don't accidentally steer the courses and make it a huge train wreck. Because lets face it, my family is basically a live action Shameless. Soon you'll see or you'll read.
At least my family does that for me, they give me good content to talk about, so thank you! Because I couldn't make this shit up, even if I wanted to, and you know what makes this funny? I told my mother and brother I am going to record the wedding - not for the cute; happy parts, but because I know that something is going to go wrong in some way. Keeping Up With The Kardashians ain't got nothing on my dysfunctional family. Soon you'll see, (louder crazy voice) you'll all see!
But for now - Keep growing & glowing.
Kat Rae
