... Saint Nick is coming tonight and my daughter has been pretty excited about it the past couple of days. Not only she kept her boots very clean, she also made sure a gift bag was at the ready, in case the boots were too small for Saint Nick's gift:)))
So, the bag has been filled, and the boots too; they are waiting by the door, for my pretty girl to find in the morning.
I am happy. So relaxed, I almost can't believe it. Sometimes I tend to panic - is everything truly all right? I tend to tense, then I remember to live in the present and to let the goodness fill my being.
Those long years when I've been depressed begin to fade in my memory... but the shadows are still there. There's a world of shadows that try to drag you down, back in the dark; at first it was hard to keep them at bay. But there are ways, I found them and things got a bit easier in time.
Maybe sometime in the future these shadows won't bother me anymore; right now it's a different story. I still find myself, at times, waiting for the hammer to come down in some way. It's hard to cross the line between such different states of being; it takes time to learn to trust - not the goodness of the Universe - that's an objective reality - but to trust that you can keep yourself on that new resonance.
[I don't believe in a perpetual state of happiness; maybe it's out there, I just don't see it. Anyway, I believe in this power of alchemy that awakens in one's soul when one wins the war within. I feel it in me - this power of becoming detached of my own darkness - the power of freeing my energy from the pitfalls of negative mind patterns - and use it creatively.]
Lately, I find myself more and more at peace, joyful, in the mood to joke; there are times when I stop, shocked by the awareness - and I have a huge 'wow' moment.
Then I go about my business, grateful I got to this sane stage of my life. I even dare to hope for good things, and meeting good people.
I am aware my friends and family are bewildered to see me in a sunny mood on a regular basis; I see them cautiously happy for me - and it's funny, but I also understand them. I am bewildered too.
Yesterday I attended my weekly yoga class and I got so relaxed I could barely get home - I felt my bones were melting with this feeling of goodness. For the rest of the day, all I could do was to listen to music, watch movies, play with my daughter... stuff like that.
(https://steemit.com/psychology/@kateblack/a-rant-on-positive-thinking and
https://steemit.com/life/@kateblack/opening-to-the-world-after-depression as an explanation for this post )
Happy Saint Nick, everybody!
(image credits - pixhome.blogspot.ro)
