Sometimes in my human limitation I got to go outside to find inspiration to write.. Before I was not a believer in going outside and being stimulated by environments to 'find inspiration', but now I get it; I'm only human and that makes me limited to what I know, in spite of how much I know.
Today we're talking about flowers. I went to a flower show. I wondered once why people are so attracted to flowers when they usually come and play a part in someone's life only much later. But this time going to a flower show I understand the experience. It's the vibrant colours that punctuate the dull grey city landscape that can give an experience, and this applies to all of nature compared to the pinnacle of human greed and progress, the city. Nature has always been the master of colours, the colours you find in animals and plants in nature never compare to any colour seen in a painting.
But flowers and money sneaked its way into society's consciousness. At one point money was charged for flowers. And then human's eye for beauty became a driving factor for what flowers would be sold. Having a human life is like living as a flower, we bloom and wither in cycles to an inevitable death. Only the flower knows exactly what it needs, the human doesn't know what he/she needs until much later. By that, we're inferior to flowers. Flowers bring into awareness our ideas of beauty, and like observing a bouquet of beautiful flowers you can observe beautiful people which makes me wonder, why do I think they're beautiful in the first place? In what context is this beauty related to? Is this human beauty as supported so flagrantly by the system real beauty? In my 24 years of living a human life, I've discovered beauty is least of all in the look. Beauty should align with the interests of everyone and at the least do no harm to others. But what does our beauty do to us? We whine, complain, mull over, judge, disgust, reject our bodies. Beauty should align with the moral sort of beauty in that all are given what they actually need through beauty lived. But our beauty tends to nurture misunderstandings and conflicts, inner and outer. Lead and mislead others to regretful decisions. Hold no forgiveness for the ugly.
So you see what I'm trying to share? Observing AND experiencing different parts of the system can lead to greater understanding of ourselves. Because we can only create in our image and likeness, so all our inner shit is externalized in the attitudes and views implied by rules, the way we manage flowers individually how it slots into my life. What we individually accept as beautiful without considering the living component of our externalized idea of beauty as a beautiful person. The more I think deeply about society's beauty advertised in TV and all the ways, the more separated I get an impression of individual beauty. It's like because society is so fucked up that we pine to become this beautiful look. Not the other way around because society is so functional and supportive, I become the embodiment of that functionality and support and seek relish in the beauty of practical living. And look good as a unimportant derivative that people don't give weight to my look, they look at my living. My lifestyle, through the thoughts, words and deeds I do unto them. It's clear society supercharges everyone to become obsessed about the look, from young wayyy into adulthood. But the context is being missed and people get lazy and just want the look to be someone and feel good about themselves. Maybe the root of our problem is merely reflected in the attitude we approach flowers. I am my worst enemy. Everyone is their own worst enemy.
The only reason why everything's exactly the way it is, is partly because we announced it to be so. Through our spending and consumption of experiences. Not giving a damn to anyone younger or older than us. Not living with the inbuilt preparation for the future in our considerations when living daily. Living for the now that's decided by everyone participating therefore everyone's sharing responsibility. Not living here to discover the timeless and tried and tested, it's like we've become weary in our constant search for our personal meaning. Tired of registering unconnected ideas so we make an oath to ourselves to believe in everything and that there's some good in what is exactly here, already here. Then life seems like a blast but the decision was never forgotten. You're still aware, so the discomfort compounds the more you indulge in 'enjoyment' in 'beauty'. Everyone has a line, when that line is broken, we usually end up having to live with consequences, that on first inspection, was the broken moment, but upon closer inspection, was an accumulation since that decision. Nothing happens more often than asking and doing everything it takes to get what we actually want beyond our politeness, in pure want and need tempting and asking to be kicked in the ass by life.
I observed it in my earphone hobby, when you want that one, you'll eventually give yourself reason to expend the money to get it. In spite of all intentions, all thoughts, it seems like something possessed you but it's all yourself. That kind of separated want/needing, not realizing we're actually asking for disaster to be our future. Only focusing on the feeling, not getting specific with myself about why I want, which would have released me from the obsession, and realize what I was actually doing.
