She Still Makes Me Cry Sometimes ...
In the beginning of my 8 th grade year at lunch , I met a girl who changed my life . Her name was Elle , and she was a 7 th grader. The first time we ever talked , I had this feeling that she was different than anyone else I ' d ever met. She was such a deep thinker, yet so kind and understanding. The first thing she ever said to me was " Are you in 8 th grade ?" and I ' ll NEVER forget it . She had so much more to her than most 7 th graders I knew at the time . So , almost instantly , Elle and I started hanging out constantly . We ' d walk to all our classes together, even if it meant being tardy nearly every day , and talk constantly . I knew ever since I' d first met her that we were very different .. .total opposites . Elle was a lot less of a girly girl , and I was far more talkative , even though she talked a lot too. It wasn' t a problem for quite a few months , and was something I totally disregarded . For that whole school year , we were best friends, the kind that had about 500 inside jokes that confused the crap out of everyone else lol ! She even wrote me a card the day before my graduation . It was filled with all of our jokes , and so creatively put together. "I knew you would love it . I worked on it really late last night , just to make it perfect ," she' d said . I was nearly in tears, knowing someone was THAT willing to spend their time on something for me. I still have that card , and it now makes me cry , not in happiness . You ' ll find out why soon . Anyway , we continued to be best friends through out the whole summer . We would go to eachother ' s houses and talk on the phone ALL the time , nearly every day . Even my parents loved the girl ! She gave them the best impression when they met her ! Like she does with everyone, it figures . So of course , they encouraged our constant talking and hanging out lol ! So anyway , that August , I slept over at her house for the first time , it was actually our first sleepover , and it was AMAZING ! We were so hyped up about it lol ! We slept in her backyard in a tent , just to be adventurous , and it was one of the best times of my life . We stayed up talking and laughing obnoxiously until five in the morning or later ! So obnoxiously , in fact, that her older brother Ray heard us from the kitchen lol ! It was then I felt we ' d never grow apart. How wrong I was . The next day , we were exhausted , but went to my house and hung out even more . Then , our friendship started to suffer that October. I was at her house one time , and we were listening to music REALLY loud , and she wanted to turn it down , but I kept slightly turning it up . That was the first thing that irritated her about me, but it was small , so we were still okay for awhile. It seemed that throughout November and December , our friendship took a turn for the worst . She began talking to me and calling me less , and soon I was the one doing all the calling . We still had our good times then , but I was beginning to question why she was talking to me less and becoming quieter . So I asked her what was up , and she told me the truth . It hurt so bad . SO , SO SO BAD . It still stings my heart. In a facebook message, she told me everything . She said that I started acting vain , self centered , materialistic , and also mentioned some of the words I said that annoyed her . No , they weren ' t swears , but more like little slang code words I used. She also mentioned certain times I offended her , and I couldn ' t believe I had NO CLUE ! I cried violently , and almost hated myself. I told her how sorry I was , and we even made up one time , but it still got worse after . Then , in one facebook message, I said " If it ' s God ' s will, we can still be friends," and now I find that really is the truth . She almost seemed to outsmart me sometimes , taking all the pride she could in correcting my "self hating" messages. I almost hated her on the inside by now , but it was almost like I still couldn ' t. We ' d been through too much . Then , the convorsation that did it . A few days after that Christmas, she actually got MAD at me for the first time . Like, a side of her I ' d never seen before. I asked her who she talked to, and she was like "that ' s personal ," and I typed "fine , i don ' t really care anyway . I was just wondering , " and then she was all " No , I think you DO care . Liar ." and we got into a little bicker IM fight . It pained my heart with everything she said . I was crying , and it began to show through my messages . Finallly , she started to feel bad and told me she ' d pray for me. I ' d told her that I was who I was, and I couldn ' t change myself, and neither could she . Ever since 6 th grade , I ' d tried really hard to fit in , because I was picked on as the new kid in 5 th. And that really changed me, permanently . Even my physical appearance today would probably be different if it wasn' t for being ridiculed . She understood , and showed me the kind of " outer friendship " sympathy from an ex friend . It was really hard for me, and still is to think about it sometimes . But Elle showed me the truth about myself. I really could be kind of materialistic, vain , and conceited/ selfish . I began trying to be a better person , but not just for her . We haven ' t talked in almost a year at all as I type on my MacBook now . But honestly, I' m okay with it now . I know I' ll be fine without Elle , even though I still care about her . I can ' t hate her . It ' s almost hard to call her my ex best friend, even though that ' s exactly what she is . But I' ve asked the Lord to help me, and He hears . I' m becoming a stronger person , and maybe THAT was God ' s will. If you ask God to help you with something or give you anything , he ' s not just going to give it to you. He ' s going to give you an opportunity to do so , and that ' s exactly what happened , even though I didn ' t realize at the time . Elle was God ' s way of showing me who I was becoming , and I thank her and Him for it . So , I ' ll never forget you Elle . I hope your having a nice life , as I am. Just because I deleted you from my facebook friend list doesn ' t mean I deleted you from my heart.
