I tried to find out all the details about Kwan’s conditions and why she was dead. I was afraid of my cat being attacked by running away neighbour’s dogs. Kwan seemed to die of an illness after she went missing for one day. My gardener wasn’t very fond of cats so she never showed detailed observations about cats’ behaviours. She just complained about the bad smell around the cat.
Kwan appeared to be walking towards the house with lots of difficulty. It seemed she had to make herclaat effort to get back home. My gardener said Kwan wasn’t walking straight and her head was shaking from side to side. She was losing her control of the body and muscles.
She climbed into the old cat’s igloo which I had put in a clean t-shirt just in case the cat would need a warm dry place to sleep during a rain storm. My gardener had to checked the dead cat’s body once again after my detailed questions. So, i foind out that the cat was probably very sick with some kind of virus affecting her brain. She might have been ill for two days after she left the house on her scouting around the nearby woods. Kwan could get the virus infection from either the dead birds or from the other stray cat (who turned up for food at our house once or twice a week. That cat looked quite skinny and weak).
I asked when the cat was dead and how long she had been spotted at the basket. My gardener went to touch the cat’s body, her limbs were still soft and flexible. So, Kwan was probably dead for a few hours. Before she passed away, the usual signs of dying such as the loosening of all the body openings were opeded and all the excrements came out. This gave a very strong stench my gardener was complaining about.
My gardener told me that Kwan looked thin so I could surmise that she was probably ill for three days. She became quite week as she didn’t have any food for at least two days as she was fighting with her fever. Then, she decided to pull all her strength to walk back home. I was nit sure whether she was bitten by a poisonous snake in the woods. She used to attacked small snakes in the garden. I asked my gardener to look for signs of snake bites. But she couldn’t find any marks.
I had to accept this terrible happening and asked my gardener to bury her body by the mango tree where there’s a mound. I told her to place some flowers on her and make merits for her at the village temple. After the two phone calls to get all details of the circumstance and to instruct what needed to be done, I had to sit down quietly to reflect on what had happened.
I felt very sad that Kwan was alone without my help during her difficult time. I had left the house for only a week then Kwan fell ill and passed away. A few days before my departure, I did notice that Kwan had a fever. I looked after her and gave her some medicine to get well sooner. Within two days, she could eat and played as ususl. But I did feel something at the back of my mind. I went to clean up the old igloo basket downstairs. I threw away the old dirty cushion and folded a clean old t-shirt to make it more habitable. I knew that injured or sick cat would need this cave like basket for security. I felt some trepidation as I started prepare this basket as I knew my subconscious was moving me to take some precautionary action. I brushed this uncomfortably feeling aside and got on with other things.
A day before my departure, the Kwan’s brother came for a whole day visit. Joan was very nice to his younger sister and they spent a lot of time together. It was nice to see Joan allowed Kwan to cling around him. He has become very independent and preferred to be by himself. I kept on telling Joan to visit Kwan everyday whenever I was away to the city. Joan seemed to be quite fond ob my next door neighbour’s house. I guessed she fed him freshly grilled fish often.
I became very concerned about Kwan’s health and I asked myself lately how long these orange cats would be with me. All of a sudden, I felt that old feeling that all that I had loved in the past would often be taken away from me. This had made me staying aloof and remaining emotionally independent. I did notice a strange look on Kwan’s face as if she suddenly became old and weary. I wondered what had happened to her or whether that was a warning sign for me. So, I kept Kwan very close to me and I often observed her during her naps. Deep down I was afraid of losing her.
Since Kwan was still quite young and she’s lively with good health, I had no logical trepidations on what would happen a week later. I had no idea that several warning signs had been given to me inadvertently. I always wondered why warning signs were often given to me about future happenings when I had no power or ability to change what would happen. Sometimes I would know what accidents would occur about a few minutes in advance. When they occurred and past, I was left exasperated and felt very useless. This issue would remain a puzzle in my mind which I needed to find some reasonable solutions or lessons.
After some reflection and recollection, I realised that I was ill for two days with brain problems. I found out one morning that I couldn’t stand straight as my brain wasn’t working properly. I was walking like a drunk person so I had to lie on the floor for half an hour. This was very alarming as I couldn’t control the muscles in my body. So, I was in a panic and dreaded the thought of going to hospital. My trust in the medical profession and hospitals had evaporated since the covid vaxx money making galore. Even highly educated people could become very corrupt.
I prayed while keeping still on the sofa and began to think how my brain became haywired. I thought my lack of sleep and erratic sleeping patterns had finally took a revenge on me. My body became light and weak as I slowly took some vitamins to feed my brain. The whole day I felt very weird as I couldn’t control my body. I could easily faint or collapse on the floor. I kept praying and calling my invisible guardians to look after me as I couldn’t afford to get very sick. I did recover in the evening after a long nap.
This finally dawned on me that I had been given several warning signs and premonitions about the passing away of my lovely cat. I was even given the chance to experience what Kwan was going through with her brain malfunction. It occurred to me that Kwan was asking for my help and sent her desperate feelings to me. That’s why I suddenly shook my head from side to side and I couldn’t walk. But I couldn’t deduce the data I received into a picture of the situation. This made me quite mad and frustrated for being so useless and unable to redress the situation.
That wasn’t the first time I had similar situations with my other cats and dogs in the past. The day I came back to the house without the loud meowing sounds of Kwan was quite distressing for me. The house was quiet without the sounds of Kwan scratching the pad or crying at ghe door to get inside. The basket ni longer had orange cat sleeping deeply in funny postures. Luckily I had taken many photos of Kwan sleeping in her bed lately. I told myself to take more photos of orange cats as I didn’t know how long they would remain with me. I had no idea all the premonitions would turn out in reality. I dreaded taking photos of something I loved as this often signified the end of something I treasured. But i knew I had to survive the pain of losing and be mindful of the present reality.
Life has been a grueling test lately. I still kept everything as they were. Kwan’s seating and sleeping spots were kept tidy and clean. The scratch pad and Kwan’s favourite seating area have remained where they were. My consolation was the presence of Joan, the big orange cat. He came to greet me as soon as I arrived at the house. To my surprise, he seemed to know that I would be very sad to find an empty house. I was very grateful to have Joan with me thd whole night.
Joan became very talkative and he kept talking to me in his sweet little voice. Usually he would talk or meow in loud or very manly voice, whereas Kwan had a very sweet and small voice. To my surprise, Joan was willing to sleep on Kwan’s favourite spots. I couldn’t help feeling that Joan could understand what had happened and that Kwan was nowhere to be found. The fact that Joan kept being around me the whole evening and he slept on my bed could be Joan’s way to comfort me.
I was glad to have Joan being clingy to me as Joan seemed to understand that Kwan was no longer with us. I was very surprised by Joan’s new behaviours. He became talkative and very affectionate. He would be sleeping in Kwan’s basket or on my bed and under my chair. He would also greeted me with a soft meow. Joan seemed to understand that Kwan had gone and I was quite sad about her death. So, he has become very affectionate and supportive towards me. Joan has been amazing in keeping me company and showing his gentle affection. My orange cats were always very sensitive and gentle so I have always been very grateful that they were sent to be in my house.
Wishing you peace, good health and prosperity.
Stay strong and cheerful.
