Idk what to do with all of these crazy random thoughts in my head.
I feel like almost my entire life is a lie. I know plenty of people who have come from or are in or however you want to say it, from divorced families. I am fine with my parents not being together because honestly my dad and I didnt have a great relationship growing up anyway so it's not the issue that is rolling around in my head. My issue now is when i moved to myrtle beach i was 19, i came home from there for my birthday to hang out with my mom and at that time i had not talked to my dad in probably 3 years. We went to this bar and she told me her friend from work was meeting her. At that time I knew who it was because I had baby sat his daughter years ago. I grew up with him and his daughter and her mom ( they are a divorced family too ) . Honestly at that moment it didn't really mean much to me just that they were friends. I have guy friends and girlfriends. That's normal. I drank too much being freshly 21 and I asked my mom I said why don't you just get divorced and be with Him. Obviously I was being serious but didn't expect the answer I received. My mom then said that they had been seeing each other in secret for however long. I was slightly drunk at that point and honestly it didn't matter to me because it did not affect my day to day life so i got on a plane and went home and that was that.
Here we are 5 years later and 2 years ago my parents moved to a house they were building in Puerto rico. I guess old habits don't die and my mom was talking to a guy who wanted her to leave my dad and she wouldn't. I think that part of the reason she didn't leave after so long is the fact that my dad would take everything. So, She's talking to this other guy and breaks it off or however it played out he wasn't happy. He took it upon himself to message my dad on facebook and told him all the details about them talking, sending pictures, and even how he flew to puerto rico to see her and they stayed in a hotel together. Regardless of all the details it happened , my dad found out. He kicked her out immediately and began to do exactly what everyone assumed. He took everything from her, and not necessarily because it's stuff he wanted it's just the one thing he could do to hurt her as retaliation.
All those details are besides the point. She cheated and this guy told my dad that there were over 10 dudes that she told him about. So here I am questioning my whole childhood. This guy, i don't even know his name so i'm just going to call him X. X told my dad details about people who have been to our house, neighbors and all sorts of stuff. As i was reading all these messages I could picture exactly who he was describing. So Back to the other dude who we went to the bar with , we'll call him Y. If she was having an affair with Y at that point, who's to say that the reason he and his wife got a divorce wasn't because of my mom? We used to hang out at their house a lot. We mean my mom, brother and I. I was around 9/10 at that point so that was 12 years prior. What happened in those 12 years? How many other guys were there?
I feel conflicted over this alot because I don't get along with my dad so in some aspects I'm just like I just want my mom to be happy. If this is what makes her happy then that's her. She busted her ass my entire life work wise to support all of us while my dad did nothing. He didn't even work; he just spent all her money doing whatever he wanted to do. This has definitely opened my eyes to a lot of “ behind the scenes” things that happen in relationships.
So now here we are our first official big holiday where I have to figure stuff out to make everyone else happy. Both of my parents are flying to the states from Puerto Rico for thanksgiving. Both of them need a place to stay. My kids want to see both of them but my mom has a restraining order on my dad. I don't know what i'm supposed to do but i do know that this has my head so fucked up only in the way of what happened when i was a kid?
I asked my mom I said why not just leave and she said she stayed together with the kids. I never understood that because my brother and I at that point were 25 and 22 so if you were staying together with the kids why not leave when they were old enough to understand which at that point we were. She couldn't give me a straight answer.
In all honesty, this whole situation is pretty messed up but it does not bother me in any way other than the fact that I feel personally I need to make everyone happy. My mom, brother, the kids, my dad and whoever else is involved. It's annoying that that's how I think but that's just who i am. Me being that way causes so much other crap in my life also. I'd rather be miserable myself and make everyone else around me have the best life I can give them. Everyone should live their best life, maybe I got that from my mom and she did what she did and that's why she does it. I don't know, now I'm just rambling but in reality all my thoughts in my head are swirling around like a tornado. I don't know what to think or what to believe. So until i get answers for myself i guess i am just going to keep doing my own thing, keeping myself busy even though that doesn't always help me…
Happy Tuesday