Dear asshole,
This morning, I woke up at an amazing 9:00. I was feeling not just rested, but PUMPED for the day ahead. I quickly got out of bed, took a smooth morning dump, and proceeded to the kitchen. I reached up into the cabinet, and was delighted to grasp my favorite cereal: Chocolate Frosted Mini-Wheats. I put the box down on the counter, opened the fridge, and took out an unopened bottle of soy milk. I plopped my fat ass down in my chair and scarfed down that beastly meal. It was great. Before I knew it, midday had arrived. I was jamming to some beats when I got a notification saying my ACT results were in. Without hesitation, I flipped my laptop open, only to see a stunning 34. It was great. I chilled for a few hours more when I realized it was time to go to work. I put my shoes and jacket on and I was off. I arrived 10 minutes early and everything went just fine. The walk back was nothing short of pleasant. Once I got home, I still had a bit of energy left in me, so I told the fam I was going to go take some night pics. I was out there for about 20 minutes when I decided to call it quits. I packed my equipment up and started to walk back when I suddenly stepped in something that definitely wasn't concrete, but rather felt of a similar consistency to syrup. I summoned my phone, turned on the flashlight, and was horrified to see my foot immersed in fresh, steamy dog shat. I don't feel like going on much more but let me say this to the the person who couldn't pick up their own dog's crap:
Whoever you are, I hope you stub your toe on your bed frame every day for the rest of your life, I hope you have 0 more orgasms, and I hope you die of being anally penetrated by a steel rod. That's all I have to say.
Sincerely,
Just Some Kid