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Carrying yesterday's wounds into tomorrow only keeps the cycle running.

By justola1

Let this cycle of pain end.

It's funny how certain individuals take pride in dishing out pain.

This transfer of pain is something I grew up hearing a lot about right from when I was in high school. My parents enrolled me in boarding school when I was about 14 years old. Even as a young boy, I was appalled by the mentality that young boys and girls like me had developed.

There was this mentality of "because the senior students bullied me, I will bully my juniors too when I get to that position of power." This statement is a real thing; I am sure my Nigerian audience here that went to boarding school would concur with what I am saying.

You see parents do the same thing too. Because their own parents didn't make them watch television as children, or they beat them over trivial things, or they didn't provide certain amenities, they decide to also inflict such pain on their own children.

Even in politics, citizens justify corruption by saying: "Since leaders before me stole, I'll also steal when it's my turn.". I have heard young people say that because some of our current leaders have used the national wealth for their own benefit so now they feel when they become politicians, they must also eat from the national cake and steal to create generational wealth.

The most appalling of all I have heard was a lady who contracted the STI (AIDS) and then decided to spread it to other men just for revenge.

My Personal Experience

When I was a bit younger, I dated this lady. She was a bit older than me, but we both were unbothered because we seemed to like each other. I was still pretty young and naïve and wasn't able to sense that she just used our current relationship to get over her ex.

She passed on her trauma of how the last guy treated her and made a mess of our relationship. The lady legit carries the mentality of breaking other guys' hearts because someone else did it to her.

My Opinion

Anyone that inflicts pain on someone else should be punished, and the excuse of being hurt similarly is not an excuse. An oppressor should be held accountable for his/her actions. Passing on trauma, whether from past relationships, toxic friendships, or childhood trauma from molestation or abuse from parents, to someone else is unfair.

Conclusion

The ideology of passing or transferring pain and trauma isn't right. The cycle of pain must end. Just because someone manipulated you, stole from you, or abused you doesn't give you the right to make it your life mission to do the same thing to other people. Yes, it's hard forgiving; I've been in that situation.

Honestly, the best thing you could do for yourself and for the sake of your mental health is to forgive. When you're hurt, especially if you're a softie with a kind soul, it can break a person when you get betrayed or hurt. The best thing to do is to forgive; it saves your head from a lot of headaches, and you tend to move on faster.

I really hope every one of us heals.

Carrying past trauma is a real problem lots of people face.