I must give you
a new name
One whose sound
doesn't shatter me
-*-
Hello everyone!
It's strange how you can write a poem that feels so resonant at the time but later on feels so distant?
I feel like this poem is one of those for me. I wrote it in the middle of the night while trying to make sense of a terrible situation. I literally felt "shattered" when I had to talk about this person. It was like the sound of their name vibrated a cord in my body, shifting sharp and tangled things around.
But so much has changed for me in the last few years, including how my body processes strong emotions. Because of the rehabilitation program I'm on for my brain injury, I in general feel like I have a cooler, more flexible head. I feel softer and stronger at the same time.
So when I read this poem now, I don't really remember how it feels in my body. I can imagine feeling hurt over something but I can't imagine the shattered feeling.
My partner has expressed noticing this difference in me as well. In the past, when I was upset about something she said she used to hear this kind of tremble in my voice all the time. She says it was heartbreaking. She hasn't heard that tone for so long.
I still like this poem very much. It feels accurate for what was going on for me. But I'm not sad that I feel a bit more emotionally removed from it!
I hope you're having a good day! I'm finally going to paint this afternoon!
xo
Ciel
