February 6, 2026 — 1:11 a.m.
As I was scrolling through my FYP on TikTok, I came across a video featuring the song “Baliw na Puso” sung by an AI, and I found myself watching and listening to it.
Beyond its catchiness and beautiful melody, the lyrics spoke directly to what I truly feel. They reminded me of you. I laughed at myself because the moment I read part of the lyrics, tears began to fall. It said:
Hindi pa rin malimot ang isang katulad mo
Bakit kaya ’di magawa kahit pilitin ko?
Hanggang saan aabot ang damdamin kong ito?
Baliw na puso, bakit ganito?
Batid naman ng puso kong mayroon ka nang iba
Ako’t naghihintay pa rin sa’yo, sinta
Sadya kayang walang katulad mo
Bakit nga ba hanggang ngayo’y mahal pa rin kita?
Bakit ikaw ang laging naaalala ko?
Kahit nagbago na ngayong ang damdamin mo
Bakit ’di ko malimot ang isang tulad mo?
Kahit alam kong sa puso mo’y ’di ako
the feelings I’ve been pretending to deny to myself and to everyone were perfectly shaped by this song. Every word reflected exactly what I’m feeling right now. Imagine being stuck with these emotions for five years. No matter how hard I try to move on, my heart still longs for you.
Especially the lyrics, “I’ll always love you,” to the line that says, “the days and nights reveal how much I feel for you,” everything hits too close. Feeling all of this just makes me cry. The more I listen to the song, the more my heart cries out for you. Today, a strong wave of missing you washed over me, and I couldn’t help but feel frustrated, angry at myself for still feeling this way.
To keep myself sane, I needed to write it down, just like I’m doing right now. Writing about what I feel for you is my comfort. And after all these emotions surface, all I can really do is cry it out.
After writing and thinking I was finally done, I just stared into blank space, trying to process everything I was feeling. Like I said, my heart cries for you it still calls your name. I remembered back then, during our breakup, when I was breaking down, miserable, screaming silently inside myself, calling out to you, hoping you’d come back. I wished for a miracle that somehow my pain would reach you and that you’d return to me.
But in the end, it couldn’t reach you. Or maybe it did but not in the way I hoped. You reached out, not to come back, but to have closure. Closure for yourself.
I’m afraid I never got the closure I needed that day. All I remember is how painful it was how certain you were that you didn’t want to get back with me. It hurt so much. I cried endlessly, and maybe, even now, that pain still feels unacceptable.