We complain about our Jules, our mothers, our colleagues in the office, the cost of living and the weather ... Help! We have become complain professionals. The American psychologist Guy Winch gives us the reasons and helps us to get out of this negative spiral.
To believe that he is stronger than us! At the slightest carelessness on your part (the anniversary of your meeting, the theater show, where you like to go), you will Ruez on the phone to complain in the ears of your best friend. In the colleague of the office complaining about the coffee machine about transport problems, you pay more for the defects of national education. Sometimes we can feel that the complaint is everywhere. Have we all turned into "pro" grunts? What hides the "grumpy attitude" that seems to win the most? American psychologist Torno guy, in his book "The art of complaining ..." scanner goes through our "whining" and gives us ways to be heard differently!
Stop complaining We all face the distraction of a lover, the poor restaurant service, or for "too long" tails in the mail ... The list of reasons for complaint is no longer lying down. In fact, different factors motivate it, the most common are emotional or social. For the psychologist Guy Winch, it occurs as a result of frustration, either in front of a waiting cable technician that is prolonged, or a test of love. Our irritation is increasing, and we are making it known.
If the phenomenon is not new, what alerts the psychologist is that it has become chronic and unproductive. He said "We regret our evacuating in an authentic breath irritation, then it seems to be satisfied with the observation that the float and go to stick to the roof, where it will deflate without giving anything at all!".
If teasing is a second nature at home, like "unenthusiastic" with your best friend, there is a good chance that your complaints are "emotional"! According to Guy Winch, complaining has the main objective of evacuating negative emotions: "It is a cathartic relaxation of the inner tension that we seek to obtain".
Clearly, the goal is initially to "purge" the irritation, the anger caused by unsatisfaction. Second, we unconsciously want an emotional validation of "harm" that we have suffered.
In practice: the expression of a lament out loud is interesting, provided that, of course, choose the correct interlocutor. Guy Winch advocates avoiding, of course, relatively unknown, probably very little concerned about his dismay. When it comes to a friend, make sure you are in the mood to show your solidarity and understanding ... If you are experiencing difficulties, it may seem reasonable to keep your "little miseries" (even if they seem great to you.
If it becomes chronic Our expert recommends in this case to get in touch with the right person, Jules on high, a mother too intrusive, a friend always late, in a constructive way. After you asked yourself, what was your real need hidden behind the complaint?
If the voice is mixed to scold loop of "It became impossible to park in Paris", "The SNCF in reality, is getting worse", "Frankly, television is degraded", It is very possible that their complaints are of the "social" type "
For Robin Kowalski, professor of psychology at Clemson University, our complaints also fulfill social functions. They would facilitate interactions in society. The real way to participate in the conversation, our "there are more stations" can find a common ground to establish our exchanges. When we complain to a friend, the mixed reception in a restaurant (even if we do not care), we created the link.
If it becomes chronic: for Guy Winch, our expectations have increased considerably in the last 50 years. Hence the misuse of the complaint as a communication tool. We demand a better service, more efficient results and an attitude in line with our wishes, on the part of our service providers. Maybe we can first check our expectations down, and then decide what can be changed, what can not be changed. So many clues that should allow finding new points in common, more optimistic.
