Today, I'm going to be getting an invoice and a payment for some fringe jobs I've managed to execute in the past three weeks.
It's not a life-changing sum, it'll take off some bills like the electricity, for 2 to 3 weeks of supply, then food for probably a week or more, and take care of internet expenses for maybe a week as well. Maybe buy some medicines as well, then I'll still have about €3 to €4 left, maybe to take care of any tiny expenses that might just come up as miscellaneous.
For 3 weeks work, 4 to 6 hours a day. That'll be approximately 84 to about 100 hours,
that's to say if I worked for days, it'll be 5 days or a bit more of constant work. I know I'm not exactly talking about the figure, this is because I'm exactly not focusing on the figure.
I'm focusing on how I've been able to give my time to this job, despite how I've constantly run away from giving it my time and effort. I started in April and never took it seriously, I worked on and off, and sometimes I just completely stayed off for weeks without any input.
I felt it was taking my time, and the tests and qualifications for specific jobs were too testing. While this isn't entirely false, I tend to think that sometimes, we need a different kind of nudge to do things we wouldn't normally do. I'm my case, pain, and the need to fill up my time was why I went back to working this job.
Two weeks after my brother's passing, I was so empty, I couldn't do things that excited me, not Netflix, not cable TV, not taking trips, and eating out. So the time I spent doing all these were wanting. I'd spend them in endless agony, crying my lungs out and just wishing I could end it all. Seconds became eternity and eternity failed to end.
My life practically became a living hell in that first two weeks
This was why I decided to go back to that job I felt was not worth my time, and I did some of the training and qualifications. In the past, I failed over 50% of the qualifications, this was simply because I wasn't really interested.
But I found myself passing up to 70% this time. It's psychological, I felt I had to pass to do the jobs, and if I failed I'd go back to spending my time in agony, in endless depressive thoughts, and I was desperately trying to not let this happen.
I still had hours after the job to fill up, but unfortunately, I could not work 10 to 12 hours as this would mean spending more time on the job. A lot of other workers were allocated time.
Apparently, a lot of people need jobs in the world. For me the reason was different. I could even do volunteer work as far as it meant not having to have idle time.
I found no joy or pleasure in watching TV, or even cooking for the thrill, it was hellish, (and still hellish)I'm surprised how things like pain, fear and the need to fill a void can push a person to work extra hard, and never even feel the need to take a break wouldn't even be there.
Pain is a terrible motivator
.....it makes one endlessly wallow, trying to fill the void of despair and anxiety. On a positive note, I have some money to pay some bills, for up to 2 weeks or a little more.
Interested in some more of my works