For someone who could not stand working long hours, I fell in love with it, and it was because my house was not a place I could call home. From my adolescence, I evolved from a boy who disliked social gatherings to someone who could not stop talking. I believe I realized that isolation was more dangerous than contact, owing to the variety of people I encountered at the various jobs I held.
Talking was a coping mechanism I learned to use because I worked in a job that required me to communicate with people in order for them to understand ideas and knowledge and persuade them to purchase what I was selling. It takes a lot of energy to get people to understand things they did not know before, and you will not be able to do it if you do not have confidence.
This job improved my communication skills. I was surrounded by people who treated me like family; we made each other whole, and our flaws were hidden, and this is how I gained all of my confidence. However, that was just a phase in my life.
Nowadays, I do not feel the need to be outspoken anymore
I am no longer a salesperson or a teacher. These days, I do not see the point in talking to convince anyone because there is no vanity or satisfaction involved. I do not care if someone wins an argument or if their voice drowns out mine in a conversation. People like to believe they are right and in control, so I sometimes just let them be, even if I am correct.
For someone who enjoys big speeches, I can barely raise my voice anymore, and sometimes life causes this translational personality.
On all of my social media accounts, I have people who are now strangers; it is not their fault, but I believe it is mostly mine. I have messages that I have not responded to in over 6 months; they are prospective conversations that require me to lie about my current state of well-being, how financially secure I am, and so on.
Unfortunately, I am used to lying, but I did not think I could do it any longer, so the best option is to largely ignore the conversation.
At the same time, others expect you to text them about how great you are doing; unfortunately, I am no longer a smooth liar; in fact, I am no longer any type of liar; that was who I was; everything has changed. However, I do not like bothering people. Some people text just to catch up on old times.
Unfortunately, my "old times" were and have been terrible and painful, and since I do not want to relive them, I have become a terrible person to talk to.
This means it is harder to run into me and ask, "Business A or B, which should I do?" I am mostly unable to respond because my baggage clouds my reasoning. Of course, there are some people with whom I still make time to talk. People enjoy discussing their lives and accomplishments, but if your story differs from theirs, the conversation comes to an abrupt halt.
So most of the time, I just cut off conversations that I can not relate to, and unfortunately, this is what and who I am now.
Of course, life does not accommodate anyone's excesses, and that is one of the harshest realities: you either go on or not.
There are no middle ground.
Sometimes I feel like I need a break to learn how to talk properly, respond to others, and smile like a crocodile again, maybe for six months or more. But is not this supposed to be more self-isolation? That is correct. It is more of a "egg and chicken" scenario. Isolation can both heal and destroy.
So, should you just move on as if everything is fine? But is this a denial? It certainly is. It is denial, which is extremely dangerous.
However, I still talk to people every day. The day-to-day trade conversation is free of emotional attachment.
The conversations that are needed to go by. You have to smile at the vendor, the person at the market, and so on. These conversations are soulless. There is pain that makes it easier to talk with regular strangers because they do not know you and vice versa, and sometimes these conversations are so open-ended that you forget they are over.
There is no middle ground between isolation and denial.
It is either the former or the latter; sometimes it is both. However, you cannot fry an egg without breaking its shell. Maybe someday I will be able to return to these conversations and respond, "Maybe or maybe not."
Interested in some more of my works
Is it Easy To Make Money?
Nigeria: A Unique Business Market & Industry
Virtual Bank Apps In Nigeria: An Experience Of Gamification
How To Find The Next "BIG" Meme Coin
Personal Finance: Achieving Intentional "Saving" Goals
Playing The Survival Game: Human Nature In Introspection
"Un-PAYING" The Debt You Owe
