Yes, it's quite difficult to relate with and I don't wish such situations for people I know. I know that everyone eventually losses the people they love, but for it to happen in unprecedented times is pure agony. In 15 months I've lost a lot, and my life has taken a turn that's rather tragic.
I've asked questions just to get justification or to feel relief or even get closure, but it still doesn't make sense whatsoever and I'm still bedeviled, puzzles and in disbelief. Let's say, I haven't accepted my new reality. It's momentus torture for me at almost all time. Of course, I don't want to seek clarity anymore. I want to pray... I just always have to pray, and then, leave everything

Thanks for your kind words.