― C. JoyBell C.
After Nat's disclosure about my scandalous past life I was totally depressed and ashamed. I had no idea how I could ever face Cindy again―bad enough I had an attachment to Marilyn in a past life that still continued into this one, but finding out that back then I was embroiled in a scandalous affair with a student who reminded me of Marilyn, well, that just pushed me over the edge.
Lovely, just lovely.
I wanted to disappear, to evaporate like a dew never to be seen again.
I knew I was being cowardly, but hell, I've run away in all my past lives and relationships, so why not continue the act now? It seemed to be my go-to move whatever life I was in.
I was tired of wrestling with these thoughts so I went to bed and slept into eleven the following morning. Seeing it was Sunday, I actually contemplated spending the day in bed, but Cindy would come checking on me and I couldn't bear to see her sad face.
I got up, threw on some clothes and headed out on the road―leaving my cell phone at home in case anyone came looking.
I stopped at a Tim Horton's for coffee but passed on the croissants―they'd remind me of Cindy, so I opted for a breakfast sandwich.
I was in the wind now and it felt liberating―okay, that was a lie I told myself, but at least it spared me from feeling guilty―another lie, but who's counting?
I drove aimlessly near the lake and just kept on going. I considered the Wheatsheaf Pub, but figured Cindy would suspect that and find me.
I kept driving. It was a mindless attempt to just lose me, to have a holiday from my penchant for being a good Mountie, standing at rigid moral attention, when all was a sham anyway.
I kept on blindly driving until I ended up somewhere I never intended―at the Bluffs, where I used to go with Marilyn and where Joey leapt to his death.
It seemed appropriate the way I was feeling.
I exited the car and walked through the woods that extended back from the road, skirting the edge of the high cliff until I came to the narrow peninsula of land jutting out hundreds of feet above the rocky shore below.
I sat down on the bare ground and simply stared out at the vast expanse of lake and sky beyond.
I was bewildered on that ledge, spellbound by the wind, and the pretence of the gull's mock plunges made to earth
And I was alone, completely alone and somehow it seemed what I deserved.
I thought, I might not leave the place and curiously the thought neither surprised nor depressed me. I was beyond that now and Cindy behind me and ghosted by me.
"Did you miss me, Prof?" I was startled to hear Cindy's soft voice behind me.
It seemed a conceit of the wind or a trick of my own imagination, but I turned to see her standing in the shade, with two takeout coffees and a box of croissants. "I thought you might need some company."
My jaw dropped. I stood there forlorn, staring helplessly. She put down the takeout and ran to me, wrapping me in her arms, gently consoling me.
"How did you know?" I croaked. "Did you follow me?"
"No, I saw you were gone and knew where you'd be. We're soulmates, Laird―you can't ghost me."
"I don't know that you'll say that when I tell you what I learned about my past life."
She shook her head. "You can't tell me anything I don't already know, and besides, I don't just forgive you―I love you."
I smiled bleakly at her words thinking it'd be funny if it were true, but there was something in her eyes even my guilt couldn't misconstrue―unwavering devotion.
It was an unconditional acceptance I never knew.